Heyyy I'm Ghosty.
I'm a female human. I'm currently 20 but don't really act like it. Lmao.
Clearly I'm asexual. I'm going to explain how I figured out I was asexual in this chapter.
I never worried about my sexuality that much till after I got out of high school. Like I would just say I'm straight if people asked me what I was. Like I didn't care to think too much about it.
I knew I didn't want to have sex when I was older and that was it. I never had crushes on either gender except on my ex best friend but I'm not sure if it was just me really liking her company or what. (I thought that maybe I'm demisexual, but i hadn't heard of it at the time and I'm still unsure of it now.)
Basically I was keeping myself busy to avoid thinking about it. But when i turned 18 and graduated, i started to think that I need to figure it out. My friendships faded and well i thought i should try to find a new relationship.
I ended up asking a guy out kinda. I wanted to be friends with him and asked for his number. We ended up dating for a while. I was uncomfortable. But not because of him.
We kissed and i didn't like it. (Side note: I actually technically had my first kiss in high school. It was a dare and I kissed a boy. I didn't mind kissing that guy as much. So maybe my ex was a bad kisser. Lol. I still found it weird to kiss the guy in high school though.)
Anyway yeah i kinda just stopped texting him, and he broke up with me after like two months. But part of the reason we stopped texting was just we were both busy, but I secretly was glad it was over.
I feel bad that I was glad it was over, but I just liked him as a friend after awhile. Like it was just weird to date him. Like dating in general was weird. Like I enjoyed some of it. Like talking and hanging out. Cuddling on the couch. Just the cute stuff.
I looked into and found asexuality but I still don't know if it's because he's a guy. Like sometimes if I see a girl, I can see myself cuddling on the couch with them while watching a movie and cute stuff, but I've never gotten that with a guy. Like I never had sexual attraction towards a girl or guy, but I don't think I've had romantic attraction to a guy.
I still don't know if I like girls or if I'm just trying to get myself to have romantic attraction, but I hope I find out someday.
Anyway that's how I figured out I'm asexual. I never really had crushes and made ones up if I had to. I never looked at someone and thought oh I'd like to have sex with them. I'm honestly sex repulsed despite writing smut and reading it all the time.
In real life I'm uncomfortable when people talk about sex. Like I'll make sex jokes, but talking about me having sex makes me uncomfortable. Like I find it gross to have sex.
I listen to music about sex, but I just think it's funny or just weird when it's a sex song I'm listening to. And if it has a good beat, it has a good beat. I don't care if it's about sex.
I'll put it simply: Fictional people having sex doesn't bother me. Real life sex makes me want to throw up.
~Ghosty ❤
