Her Sunshine

Chapter 20 "I've never cried this much..."

Monday

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Trip
Cry...that's all I've done the last four days. When she left the other night I was just coming back from the woods but stopped when I saw her in her car. I couldn't stop the waterfalls coming from my eyes and quickly wiped them away as she pulled away.

I have been in bed since I came to bed that night. I haven't eaten or drank anything. I think I went to the bathroom once a day and that's it. I won't answer my phone or the door. I know Kenzie came by everyday like her notes say. Everytime she comes by I pretend to be asleep so I don't have to face her.

I look at the clock next to my bed and see it's 4:38 in the afternoon and I guess I need to eat something even though I'm not hungry. I guess I'm a little thirsty though, I mean I have been crying for four days straight.

Ugh, I feel like I should be on my period not her. I feel like some teenage girl that got her heart ripped out by some jock. I've tried to shake myself from this but I can't help the feeling of being completely hurt and betrayed.

I know I should hear her out but I can't handle the thought of her telling me she doesn't want me anymore. I'll give it sometime then hear her out, I don't want to be immature I just can't face her right now.

I walk down stairs to the kitchen and find another note she left for me. I almost crumble it up but one word catches my eye so I read the note.

Trip,

I came by to talk but you were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you so I figured I could come back tomorrow to see you. It breaks my heart to know you are hurting because of me. I wish you would let me explain everything. I can't lose you! I will be back everyday until you let me talk to you. You made me realize something the other day I knew I should have told you sooner but I wanted to tell you in person. I planned to tell you the other night but when you got home everything went wrong and I never got to tell you. This isn't something you tell someone in a note so please, hear me out, let me talk to you. I miss you so much and know you miss me too. I'll be back tomorrow at five.
Love, Your Sunshine

I look at the clock, oh great it's almost five now. I can't talk to her tonight, I don't want her to know I've been crying for four days. I need to leave before five so I don't have to see her reaction when she realizes I'm not here.

I still care enough that I don't want to see her hurt either. I wish I could sit down with her and listen to her side of the story but I can't handle rejection if that's what she has for me, I'd rather wait for that.

I run upstairs and take a five minute shower just long enough to get the four day old dirt off me, I quickly dry off , wrap the towel around my waist then run to my room to change. I grab a pair of jeans, black tshirt, socks from my drawer then hurry to put my shoes on and run out the door.

When I get to town I drive around for about ten minutes then head to Todd's house. I need to talk to my best friend, I'd go to Stacey but I don't want to do anything I may regret so I'm staying away from her.

I pull up to Todd's and notice a little teal Bug in the driveway. Oh no! I see Ashton open the door for her to walk in so I keep driving. I guess I'll have to call him instead of coming by. She must be here to see Ashton.

Great, she gets to see her best friend but now I can't see mine. I know I'm being a big baby about this but it's kind of her fault I'm this way. I decide to go see Stacey anyway and just tell myself I'm only there as friends.

I get there and Stacey is luckily home alone so I can cry a little and won't have to worry about anybody judging me for being unmanly. I've cried with Stacey before so I don't worry about her saying anything. I walk up to her door and knock.