Fading Paths

chapter 03

I retrieved my hands and crossed it behind me, huffing "Can't I express my love for you without being accused of having an ulterior motive?"

''Unfortunately most of the time you children compliment me or Baba is because you have an ulterior motive. So the blame is on you."

I lifted myself on to the countertop as mama moved around the kitchen preparing the delicious food.

"Liar! I hug you every other day. You just don't like being hugged," I spoke the truth. I always squished my teddy bear of a mother with hugs and kisses but she would only swat me off.

"Sorry for having my own personal space," Someone was being sarcastic today.

I took a piece of carrot from the cutting board beside me earning a small blow on my knees from mama and then scolding me to wash my hands and have a change of clothes before eating.

"Okay fine," I groaned while standing on my feet and walking towards my room.

"Come back soon and help me."

"But I am very tired. College was hectic today," I fake yawned as I expected an aggressive reply.

"Only when I ask for help you have a hectic day. "

And I successfully made Aisha khalid fuming with anger.

I let out a giggle and ran towards my bedroom. Opening its door I took in a deep breath. "Happy place, my safe haven," I mumbled under my breath showering the bedroom with such fancy names.

I reached the front of my bed and threw myself on it, falling face first. After a few more minutes of rolling on the soft mattress I got up yawning and went to freshen up.

"Let's pray Asr and go help mama." I said to myself.

Am I talking to myself a lot today? Or is it everyday?

_____

Disheartened.

That is how I felt right now.

It occured again. Why do such things even happen? The impulse to let out my feelings about it was evident.

After helping prepare the dinner and performing the Maghrib prayer, I found myself infront of the news with a cup of hot tea in my hands. The news of yet another student suicide was reported. It was really heartbreaking to know that too much stress is being loaded on a person at a very young age that they have to do the unalterable act of ending their own life. Suicide should not be something that should even cross their minds.

I wanted people to understand extremity of the situation. But there is very little I could do, atleast now. Losing even one person due to such a reason is a matter of grave concern.

With words being only the part I could do, I took out my journal. It is a confidant where I write about things that I want to let out. That includes my thoughts, feelings on situations in daily life ,opinion on things or in situations like this- the things I want everyone to know.

I am not a daily journal writer. I write it only when something prominent happens. My secret love for writing is reflected in the journal so I never let anyone read it.

I took out my pen along with the precious journal of mine and holding the tea in my other hand I opened the balcony door walking ahead and sitting on one of the chairs. I set the things in their places and began writing.

I don't know how they felt, I did not experience their turmoil but I hope anyone who goes through this heals. It has become the new normal to pressurize the students to pass with the best of marks even before they grasp the books in their young hands. Sometimes even I have episodes of stress and I hate it to the core. So being constantly in that situation would of course take a toll on people. People are so obsessed with grades that they neglect the fact that we are just humans who would like to live our lives happily. The people who belittle others for their grades should know that exams or marks are barely there on the priority list to life. Moreover a healthy and happy mind should be everyone's top priority.