The Millionaire's Bet [BOOK ONE][#Wattys2015][#SYTYCW15][#CarinaPress]

part seven

"What experience?" I tried to think of what could have turned her against the male population and made the idea of being married rather than single all the more appealing to her. I can imagine it now, it's probably something cliché and expected, like her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend after admitting to her that he loved her. Or perhaps he just got bored with her, not that I would blame him because the only thing she had going for her was her body, and so left her before their relationship became something the both of them resented.

"I don't see what business it is of yours. It's not like you give a damn about me anyway," her anger finally got the better of her once again as she turned around to look at me with a murderous gleam in her eye.

"Ask me something," I changed tact in the hope that she would actually open up to me. I may have been an ass and I may not have necessarily liked the woman, but I wasn't the sort of person who would use what happened against her in way which would get me one up on her, that really would be heartless and I didn't want to be that sort of person.

"Why would you want to tell me anything?" she never bothered to look at me as she pulled her heels on and ten grabbed a brush from the desk to sort the mess on her head out. I didn't know what was going through her mind, but I would imagine it probably had something to do with the day I had in store for, but as long as she kept her sarcastic comments to herself, there was nothing for her to worry about and we could both get through the day without pissing the other off.

"I don't know. You seem like you'll understand me and like someone who will actually listen to me without judging me or telling me how god damn crazy I am," my gaze shifted from her and to the floor. I didn't want her to see my weakness, the moment where my walls all fell down and I just wanted to break down in tears, but that was only because I didn't want her pity and I didn't want her comments about how sorry she felt for me either. I just wanted someone who was actually going to listen to me without judging me.

I was so damn tired of people listening to my problems and then judging me, like they had the right to make a comment on my life and the decisions I had taken. The last therapist Ben had forced me to see was the worst, from the moment I walked into the room, I could tell that he was judging me, and it didn't get much better when I told him the reason I was there. He laughed at me, he actually laughed at the fact I had tried to commit suicide, and then he had the guts to tell me how pathetic I was for acting in that manner when I was a fully grown man.

I would have paid him good money to live my life, to suffer the same things I was forced to suffer, and then have the power to continue fighting for something which seems so pointless. I would enjoy watching as he lost everything he loved, only to continue as though nothing had changed and, if he could do all of that, I would accept that he was a better man than I am.

"Why have you tried committing suicide so many times?"

"Honestly? I didn't feel like I deserved the right to be alive. I felt like there was something wrong with me, no matter how hard I tried to be the person everyone wanted me to be, every single person I loved walked out of my life and left me," I tried to compose myself, to force the tears to remain hidden, but there was always going to be that one which betrayed me and showed the woman in front of me the extent of the pain I was in. "I felt so alone, especially after Rebecca walked out on me, and I didn't think it was ever going to get any better. The first time was a spur of the moment thing, I saw the pills on the side and I just took them, but Robert got to me just in time and I had to spend the night in hospital after having my stomach pumped. It was at that time that I realised I wasn't good enough to be alive and was better off dead because my life was pointless."

"Why didn't you walk to anyone? Get help before it went too far?"

Talking to someone? That almost seems like a cruel joke. Both Robert and Ben were too wrapped up in their own lives to realise something was wrong with me, they only started to give a damn when they witnessed for themselves just how far it had gone, and just how far I was willing to go in order to take my own life. And, even then, the only reason they pretended that they gave a shit was because of how sorry they felt for me, but that didn't stop them from telling me how tired they were of my shit nor how it was high time I got over myself.