broken as i • a kylo ren story

v (xxiv)

he stayed in that room for at least 3 hours. blood, sweat, and tears were all produced in that room...literally. it came to the point where he was on the floor, sobbing his eyes out into his bloody hands. he punched a couple of walls and shattered mirrors, leaving him a complete mess. then he realized-

he hasn't checked on jaxx yet.

it had been almost a week since your departure, and he hasnt listened to your simple request.

he immediately left the training room and jogged over to jaxxs room. he then slowed his pace as he started to question why he was obeying someone elses orders. more specifically, someone who had crushed him.

he waa already at your brothers room, so he decided to just do it. he knocked on the door and jaxx opened it.

"it is so early what cou- hey kylo."

"hello jaxx." he replied as he walked into the room.

"what do you need? i havent seen you since you paused our training..."

"i wanted to see how you were...doing." kylo cringed at his own words.

"huh? why would the supreme leader want to know how i was doing? it isnt lik-"

"just answer the question." kylo was starting to get irritated.

"im...im okay. its a bit hard not having my sister here, but this is whats best for her. but, that doesnt stop me from missing her deeply- though she will return eventually."

"i feel the same way..." kylo muttered.

"what was that?" jaxx asked.

"nothing."

then jaxx realized something, "did my sister order for you to check up on me while she was gone?"

kylos blood started to boil when jaxx said the word order. "why would you want to know?"

"so that's a yes? i was just wondering...jeez. so, how are you doing?"

the 4 words that came out of jaxx's mouth almost made kylo start to tear up. nobody. i mean nobody has asked him how he was since the start of this. a reason may be because not many people knew about what was going on, but still. it struck a nerve for kylo.

"im okay." that wasnt a lie. kylo was just...okay. not great, not fantastic, not even fine.

just....okay.

"are you sure?"

"yes. i am okay. now, im going to go now. i have lots of work to do." that also wasnt a lie. kylo felt as if work on the ship started to get boring and uninteresting.

before, he thought work was actually fun in a sense. but not anymore. now, it was horrible and...repetitive. he found himself zoning out a lot, and more and more people started to notice- but were too scared to confront him.

"alright. goodbye." jaxx smiled at him but didn't receive one back.

kylo walked back over to his room and got ready for the lousy day. he winced at the thought of having to see general hux once again. he didnt mind his other colleagues that much because they always followed his orders whenever they were given some. but hux wasnt like that at all. he has always went against kylo ever since the beginning of there time together when the first order begun. kylo thought about killing hux almost every single day, but hasnt gone through with it.

hux is actually a huge benefit to the order, so killing him wouldnt do much good. he is very devoted to the cause which makes him an asset. but that doesnt stop kylo from imagining his red lightsaber stabbing through huxs body.

he walked down the hall and was immediately greeted by the redheaded man- just the way to start his day.

"supreme leader." hux bowed the slightest bit.

"general hux." kylo nodded his head.

the 2 of them continued walking down the hall. there was complete silence between the men because neither of them were usually the one to start a conversation. that is until hux broke the silence-

"we have 3 meetings scheduled a-"

"you are just now telling me this? if they were scheduled, it should have been brought to my attention a while ago, not the day of" kylo seethed.

"i apologize supreme leader." hux said through a clenched jaw. he knew better than yelling at kylo because he wasnt new to how repulsive the big baby can be.

hearing hux apologize was music to kylos ears for a split second. he loved when he was reminded that he was above him.

"your apology is noted."

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authors note

im literally on an adam driver movie rampage and im not complaining about it at all lmaoooo but im sorry that my updating has gone down significantly ahhh :|

-i.t