Letters To Nobody

0.1

Hey Luke,

It's me. Carmen. Your little sister. There are a lot of things new now that you are gone. I am seeing a therapist now...to deal with the fact you're gone. Every time I hear therapist I just hear the jokes you made when you when first went to see one. That was right after your first attempt. Anyway, the first session went well. The therapist said I should keep a journal and write letters to you to help me move on.

It's only been a week since the funeral. The gift baskets are still pouring in. Mrs. Sanger from down the street is still sending over casseroles everyday. I keep remembering how much you hated her green bean casserole. She brought it over yesterday and I broke down crying. Mom had to lead me away.

Leah keeps coming over here trying to get me to talk to her. I refuse to. It's partly her fault that you are gone. I went through your room and found your razor. It's under my bed now.

I feel so lost without you. I hate you as much as I love you. You were my world. How could you leave me like this? I tore down the picture of us in my room. Remember that picture? It was when you took me to the fair. You saw me look at that huge fluffy puppy and realized that I would die if I didn’t have it. You spent about $55 dollars just trying to get that for me. Mr. Sniffers is in the top shelf of my closet now. I just cannot handle looking at him anymore.

Everything reminds me of you. The smell of your cologne in the shirts you gave me. My pink hoodie that you got me. The treehouse in the backyard that you and dad built for me when I was 10. The summers we spent in there playing games and throwing water balloons at Trevor Hernandez because he tried to kiss me at recess. The barbeque pit in the backyard where we had huge bonfires. The hole in the side of the house from when you put your fist through the wall because Mom yelled at you when you came home drunk. My blue tee shirt from my 12th birthday when you helped me repaint my room and it turned into a paint war.

I miss you. I can't move on. How can I? Knowing I'll never hear your voice again. I'll never feel your hugs, your kisses on my forehead. I'll never be able to crawl into bed with you when I have a nightmare again. Now all of my nightmares are finding you that night. Leah keeps texting me. I have to go.

With Love,

Your Carbear