broken as i • a kylo ren story

xviii (xviii)

all of the words and questions he was speaking caused you to cover your ears. it seemed as if he was talking as loud as could be, but he was actually only talking at his normal tone.

"no. nobody has ever taught me this. it is a bit neat though, i must admit." your voice came out stronger than last time.

kylo noticed you covering your ears a few seconds ago, so when he replied, he talked with a quieter tone.

"okay. well, how are you today? you know...."

"im fine." you lied. kylo knew that you were, but he let you continue. "i saw your letter, i really treasure it. thank you. " you were clearly telling the truth there.

"your welcome. and y/n, are you really fine?" you could tell that kylo knew you werent being truthful, but you ignored it.

"yes...yes kylo i am fine. i need to go though, so can you like end this thing?" you felt your eyes start tearing up and your lip quivering.

"y/n-"

"kylo please i need...i need to go." you begged him. 

"okay. just know that i am always he-"

"always here for me. i got the message."

with that, the image of kylo disappeared. you instantly fell onto the floor, breaking down into tears. the pain you felt from last night passed onto the next...it was quite obvious. all you wanted was for your family to be whole again. to still had no idea how people could leave their own children, regardless of the situation. you gathered yourself together and walked into jaxx's room.

you explained everything to him and held back tears. he could tell that you were, and that caused some of your pain to seep into his body. he knew that you were suffering greatly right now, so when you asked him to not go and see them, he agreed. he knew that it was what was best for him, he though the rest of him begged to see them again.

you then went back into your room. you didnt care if you missed work,training, or anything. you just wanted to stay there even though minutes earlier you were lecturing yourself not to do that. but, that lecture didnt mean anything to you. you became aware that you needed to do this. needed to do this for yourself, and for once- you actually did.

you spent the next weeks in your room. etta,piers,jaxx, and kylo all visited you. all of their hearts ached whenever they did, but they knew you needed their comfort.

kylo had grown to become fond of etta and piers. unlike before, he realized just how much they meant to you. he also realized how much they really cared and cherished you.

almost immediately after you told kylo to take your family off the ship, he did just that. he wanted to help you in anyway he could, so he listened to whatever you told him.

word spread about your family situation rather quickly and rumors started even faster. people said such wicked and crazy things, like how your family left you because you tried murdering them and that they didnt want to see you because they were traumatized. kylo tried to shield you from what people were saying, but you still heard. you heard loud and clear what they said. it didnt hurt you because of what they were saying, it hurt because they didnt even know the conditions.