broken as i • a kylo ren story

xvi (xvi)

he couldnt believe that that idea, or even those words appeared in his mind. it made him want to destroy a whole village or smash a window. his entire body shook after thinking about it.

"jeez...sorry y/n. i didnt know that it was such a sensitive topic." jaxx put his hands up.

"i think we should just get started." kylo put an end to the discussion.

the majority of training, you were pretty out of breath. kylo had you and jaxx do some extremely tiring drills and you werent very happy about it. you hadnt realized just how out of shape you had become after not working out for a couple months. a couple months? is that seriously how long you had been on the finalizer? it felt like only a couple weeks!

jaxx for the most part looked like he was living life to the fullest. he barely needed water and he was filled with energy. he did almost everything kylo asked with perfection, and you were proud of him...and a bit jealous.

you were doing most things well, but not perfect.

"thats it for today. you can go now" kylo announced.

hearing him say that made you collapse to the ground. you were worn out and you knew for a fact that your entire body was going to be sore the next day.

"lets go kuts. im hungry and we should go grab breakfast." jaxx whined.

"i think im just going to lay here for a minute and maybe...take a nap." you felt yourself drifting off into most desired sleep.

"no.nope. lets go." jaxx reached for your arm and attempted to pull you to your feet. your body was already beginning to get sensitive so you flinched.

"ouch! okay fine, im coming." you forced yourself to your feet and walked towards the door. before you could exit, you heard jaxx ask kylo a question that interested you and heard a reply that fascinated you even more.

"when are we going to start using the force?"

"in a couple of days actually. both of you are going to master the art of it very quick because i am extremely good with it."

"okay. see you later then!"

during the entirety of the short discussion your brother and kylo had, you stayed silent. you couldnt believe that you were actually going to start using the very thing that you and your
brother got kidnapped for- your force sensitivity.

you and jaxx eventually reached the lunch room and got some basic breakfast food. you went over to your usual seat and carefully sat down across from your energized brother.

"how are you not dying right now? i feel like i am going to pass out. oh damn, i got work in 20!" you started to panic. how were you going to work in this condition?

"i honestly have no clue. and you will be just fine kuts. trust me."

"also, what made you ask kylo that question?"

"honestly, im just really excited to finally start using it. it interesting me a lot, and im just really...thrilled about it."

"okay. cool."

"and you? are you excited and interested by it?"

you didnt really know how to answer the question. of course the force intrigued you, who wasnt? but a part of you was scared. scared that you would find out how much you were truly capable of. how much harm you could actually cause.

"yeah. sure."

the 2 of you starting to eat your food. you then returned to your room and immediately got ready for work. you somehow managed to get there on time, and the day went by faster than you imagined. you cleaned yourself up and plopped onto your bed. you had already grabbed dinner so you were still pretty full. you didnt feel like going over to jaxx's room and you didnt feel like talking with etta and piers because it was pretty late. you wished that youe body held onto the sleepiness that you had after training, because now....you were wide awake. you tried to fall asleep for hours in your bed, tossing and turning- but it just didnt feel right. then you had an idea.