New Girl

Chapter Eighteen

I looked now at the piece of paper, which was pretty big and read on top: “Get Jade.”

What?

I read through it:

“Get Jade.

I need to get this girl and keep her away from Perrie. I know what will happen if I don’t and I really don’t want to risk this.

So, I found out that they were fighting today. Perrie had just come home and I can hear her cry – what happened? I am pretty sure it was Jade’s fault and I need to do something against it. So, as I know Jade she will come here today to apologize and to find out what has happened between them. I will find her and then I will hit her head with something I find on my way.

When she is unconscious I will bring her here and then I will keep her in here, trying to convince her that it is only Perrie’s fault that she is in here. Perrie will forget about her and then I will release her, when they are no longer friends.”

It ended here but I could see had had written something on the back side too. I could feel my eyes sting, the tears threatened to fall.

“Today I released Jade. I told her everything, why I had kidnapped her. We agreed that I would let her go if she wouldn’t tell anyone that I had had here with me, keeping her away from everyone. She herself hurt her foot so the lie she invented seemed to be true – she would tell everyone that she wanted to go to Perrie’s and needed to pee. She had trapped in the woods and because of that she had hurt her foot so she couldn’t walk anymore. I seriously don’t know what to say, this was probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done. I regret kidnapping her, but at the same time I don’t because now I know I can trust her.”

I ripped the paper in my hands and stared down at the white pieces on the floor. My sight was blurry and I could hear someone ringing on the doorbell and shouting my name – Jade.

How did she dare? Lying to me like this after all we had went through together?! How did she dare?! I trusted her, I kissed her, told her everything that had happened to me and is still happening and she just betrayed me. Did she only think about herself?!

She was the one who invented the lie, she was the one who hurt her foot and she was the one who lied to me. I actually was happy to have Jonnie because I thought he had saved the girl I was in love with.

I stomped down the stairs as I heard my dad talking to her and I glared at her, trying not show how much she hurt me. I tried to pretend that all I felt was anger, not the ache in my heart or the frustration I actually felt. She didn’t need to know that what she had done had actually gotten to me…

I don’t actually know what I shouted at her but before I slammed the door I could see her crying. I ran upstairs again and hid my face in the pillows, letting the tears flow. Never had I dared to fall in love with anybody, no boy or girl, because I expected them to hurt me, like my family did. I couldn’t trust anyone because everyone only wanted to hurt me.

Why did I let her wrap me around her finger? Why did I let myself fall for her and trust her? Why did I tell her everything? I got up and stared out of the window, seeing she was still there. Was she waiting for me to come back?

No way.

With trembling hands I got out my phone and typed in a text message. I didn’t need to see her reaction. She deserved these feelings for lying to me – never had I trusted anyone with my deepest secret, none of the girls knew it, none of the boys. And I told her the second day we knew and she knew it and still dared to do this to me.

Did she hate me?

Had I done anything wrong?

Was she in love with my brother?

I had heard that there were people who got kidnapped and then fell in love with the guy who had kidnapped them because they were the only person they could talk to apart from themselves. Did this also happen to Jade? Did she only stay with me to be in touch with Jonnie?

A sob escaped my mouth and I covered it with my hands, trying to make myself shut up. Why did I still cry over her? If I didn’t mean anything to her why would she mean anything to me?

Because you love her, stupid.

I sighed because it was true. I had managed to seriously fall in love with someone. The moment we kissed had been the best moment of my life but now I only wished it had never. I put on the radio to forget about everything and of course the perfect song came on. Like always when I switched on the radio it didn’t start from the beginning but from somewhere in the middle, this time it was the bridge.

“Dear it took so long
Just to feel alright
Remember 
How to put back the lights in my eyes

I wish I had missed the first time
That we kissed
‘cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back
You don’t get to get me back

And who do you think you are?
Running ‘round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts 
And tearing love apart

You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Running ‘round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You’re gonna catch a cold 
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think… you are?”

I took in a deep breath and rested my head on my pillow, not paying attention to the next song on the radio really.

Was Jade not just like the guy in the song? She broke my heart and would most likely come back. Especially the line “I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed.” Did I really regret it? I didn’t until now – I wish I had never kissed her and told her how much she really meant to me. I mean, what would happen now?

If she had come together with Jonnie before she had told me she liked me too everything had been find because then it wouldn’t have been cheating. I would have been able to live with the thought that it wasn’t me who she wanted but it was hard to live with the thought that I wasn’t enough for her. Had I done or said anything wrong?

Was it… because I was a girl?

Again I sobbed and wiped my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling.

From the very beginning she was against telling anyone because… she was ashamed of me. She wouldn’t admit it but I was sure this was the true reason. Probably she had never been bullied and just invented this all so I wouldn’t tell the whole world that we were together.

Maybe she thought that Jonnie was just like me as a boy. She would’ve the same but she wouldn’t get judged by anyone.

She really was ashamed of me…

I couldn’t help it and cry again, like I had been all day.

Jade had lied to me so she wouldn’t have to break up with me like a person should. She was a stupid coward that was too afraid to tell me in the face that she didn’t love me because I was a girl – I wanted to hate her. I wanted to tell her how much I hated her and hurt her, just like she had hurt me.

But I couldn’t.

Because I still loved her.

~*~

A/N: Sorry for the long wait but I have 4 tests next week and bronchitis so I should be in bed normally, but I need to go to school so I don't fail the tests and I am so exhausted then... Yesterday I should've been in school until 8pm but my dad got me because I was having pain everywhere and felt dizzy and everything so he drove to the doc with me (at around 5pm) and then we went somewhere else after I felt better again.

So, sorry again, I hope you forgive me! :)

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Love you all,

Marlene xx