Internal Noise | Haechan

f o r t y f o u r

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Ｉｎｔｅｒｎａｌ Ｎｏｉｓｅ
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I ran through the hospital lobby. Tears flowing down my cheeks. Sprinting through staircases to reach his room. Bumping and shoving over people who stood in my way. I can't completely explain what I felt in that moment. It was a mix of the most complex emotions I could muster, the urgency to see him overpowering everything. I couldn't see anything around me, only the way to the small room where I had last seen him. The room where he had been asleep for days upon days.

It was tunnel vision, finding him, the only goal I had set.

My breath hitched as I opened the door to his room. My heart beating faster than I'd known possible.

"Hey," he simply said.

That was enough for me to completely break down. I ran to him, falling to my knees the moment I looked into his eyes. Those beautiful, kind eyes I was so afraid I'd never get to see again. He's okay. He woke up. I still couldn't stop my tears, even through the smile I had plastered on my face. Relief finally hitting me as he wiped his thumb across my cheek.

"Hey," he said again, this time more softly, "no crying."

I took his hand in mine, "you're awake." My eyes scanned his face, taking in every detail as if I had never seen him before, wanting to engrave the feeling of happiness and relief I felt in my brain forever.

We stayed quiet, just looking into each other's eyes.

"Of course, baby," his voice sounded groggy. I wrapped my arms around him, preventing him from talking any further.

God I missed this. Being able to hug him. To feel his warmth. It was only a week, but it was the worst week of my life. I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't woken up. "I was so scared," I spoke against his shoulder, "you weren't waking up. I- I didn't know what to do... I couldn't have forgiven myself if the last time we talked was..."

"Nari, what I said- I'm sorry," his eyes were low.

"No, I'm sorry. Everything I said that day... I didn't meant any of it. I- I was mad and had no idea what was happening. You were right. I was being naive and... I never should've said those things to you. I'm... I'm so sorry," I cried.

He tightened his grip around me, "you're not. You're naive, you're caring, and sweet, and smart," he stroke a hand through my back, "and you just want the best for your friends," he took a small pause before continuing, "It's my fault. I should've told you I knew about Mark and Eunha... I should've talked to you."

I pulled away, wiping my tears and resting a hand on the side of his face, "no. Stop. I don't care about that. The only thing that matters is that you're okay. That you're here, with me. That's the most important thing to me, now and always, okay? Eunha, Mark, all those people, I don't care about them. Not more than I care about you..." my voice hitched, but I wasn't crying anymore, I was just glad to have this chance again. To hear his voice, to know he could hear mine. The thought of losing him opened my eyes to what really mattered.

Us.

"Other people's problems shouldn't come between us. It's not fair. I'm not gonna let anything like that ruin what we have because... I love you, Lee Donghyuck, and I don't ever want to be without you."