Too Close to the Flame

Zuko tried to steady himself with his breathing techniques. He concentrated hard on inhaling as much oxygen as possible then slowly exhaling. 'Life is in the breath' he recalled Uncle telling him.

Uncle...

Zuko shook the intruding thought away. Uncle made his choice back in Ba Sing Se. He chose wrong. It wasn't Zuko's fault. Zuko was finally back home with his honor restored. Even his father paid attention to him now while Uncle rotted away in a cell.

Yet the guilt ate Zuko alive. He felt shame for betraying the only person who stuck by his side for so long. But what other choice did Zuko have? Uncle was the one who talked about density all the time. His was to capture the Avatar, restore his honor, and come home which Zuko did. Sort of...

He couldn't focus on that now. He had other things to deal with. Zuko gingerly made his way down the winding palace halls decked in crimson red and gold. His mind was racing as he fought the urge to hyperventilate. Ever since a servant came with the news that his father wanted to train with him, Zuko has been on edge more so than usual. The stress of returning to palace life and keeping up the perfect image did a number on him. He barely ate or slept and already lost more weight than he should at his age but Zuko knew he would adjust with time.

Zuko told himself he was being ridiculous. He has been home for months and his father has made no move towards him. He even looked to Zuko for advice during the few war meetings Zuko has attended. Isn't this all that Zuko ever wanted? He wasn't a weak pathetic small child anymore. There was no reason to be so frighten. Everything was going to be fine.

Yet he stood at the door of the private training room, shaking. He needed to get it together. He can't show any signs of weakness or...

Zuko swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Don't even think about that. Everything was different now. Zuko was NOT weak.

After taking another deep cleansing breath, Zuko entered the room and bowed on his hands and knees before his father. "Firelord Ozai." Zuko said respectfully as possible. He heard his father practicing katas and felt the room heat up with flames. Zuko swallowed the bile rushing from his stomach.

"Prince Zuko." Ozai acknowledged after a moment. "Rise."

Zuko obeyed, keeping his eye low. Still, he did a quick glance around the area and noticed there was no one else around. But that was normal right? This was a private training session. Azula trained privately with their father all the time.

Ozai's back was towards Zuko as he wiped his brow with the towel hanging around his shoulders. "I take it that your firebending skills have improved since you were last here."

"Yes father."

Ozai turned his head to look at Zuko with an unreadable expression. "Show me."

Zuko nodded and removed his outer garment. Memories flooded his mind of the times his father sat in on his firebending training sessions and all the disapproving scowls. But Zuko was stronger and more experienced now. This time would be different. He was sure of it. Or at least he thought he was sure of it.

Zuko performed a kata he was well-versed with. Muscle memory kicked in and Zuko produced burning flames to the rhythm of imaginary drums, ending with a triumphant roar. No missteps. No off-timing. It was perfect.

Ozai scoffed.

"Your sister mastered that one when she was six. It's about time you caught up."

Zuko's heart scattered. 'Why would you expected anything different?' a voice whispered inside his mind.

"Perform the Spiraling Comet. Now." Ozai ordered.

Zuko complied, internally praying he did not mess up the complicated routine or at least that his father would not notice. Zuko performed the final move, a roundhouse kick but lost his footing and fell on his knee. He stood quickly as to hide the mistake but it was already too late. Ozai narrowed his eyes but remained silent. He walked slowly around Zuko inspecting him. Zuko didn't dare breathe. He couldn't breathe at all.

Ozai finally stopped pacing and stood in front of Zuko. Even though Zuko had grown substantially since his banishment, his father still towered over him.

"Prince Zuko," Ozai said in a low voice, "Did you kill the Avatar?"

"Yes." Zuko answered quieter than he meant to.

Ozai laughed. "Then the Avatar was weaker than I expected." He placed a hand on Zuko's left shoulder just under his scar and held it in an iron grip. Zuko's blood froze. He looked up with wide glassy eyes. Ozai only smirked in returned.

"I have taught you well. But you are still weak." Ozai's grip tighten as his smirk widen into a sadistic smile. "There will be plenty more lessons to come."

Ozai released his grip then folded his arms behind his back. "You are dismissed."

The room swayed as Zuko stumbled back, still processing. He managed a short polite bow, scooped his discarded garments off the floor, and then left the training room as his father's cold eyes followed his every move.

Zuko didn't remember the walk back to his quarters. He didn't remember entering or shutting the door behind him. He didn't remember collapsing onto the floor or vomiting what little he had left in his stomach.

It wasn't enough. It would never be enough. After doing everything his father asked, Zuko still wasn't good enough for him. Ozai was already planning to do something horrific to him. The look in his eyes said it all. Zuko covered his face with his hands and sobbed. Nothing has changed. His father was just as cruel and heartless as always. And Zuko was just as scared as he was all those years ago.

Something resolved deep inside him as if blinders were removed from his eyes. Zuko didn't have to stay and take this. Why should he? He has seen firsthand the horrible things the Fire Nation was capable of. The horrible things his father was capable of. Zuko was done lying to himself. The day of the eclipse was quickly approaching and he knew what he had to do. He was going to break his Uncle out of jail. Then he was going to escape.