Dark Rhythm

23: Crushing on him

No, it couldn't be happening. There had to be another explanation. Maybe I was just sick and somehow Derek scared the sickness away. Maybe I was having a nightmare on the night before I came for the interview. But it didn't feel like a nightmare and if it was really one, then I hoped I wouldn't wake up. I had a boyfriend! And I loved him! Or did I? I was already doubting myself. There was no way I was falling for Derek. He wasn't the guy every girl wished to be dating but I remembered that most girls I knew starting with Lisa had a crush on him. No no no! No way I was allowing myself to do that, fall for the god of glaring.

I am not falling for Derek, I repeated once again but when the most beautiful sound in the form of Derek's chuckle appeared in my head, I was convinced otherwise. As if to mock me, my mind brought out the scene where we danced together. I could see my inner self with a mocking grin and a 'I think that's not the case' expression. Suddenly, my heart stopped and it seemed to join in. "I am your heart and I can feel that you like him," my heart said and my inner self agreed. I wasn't supposed to fall for him, not Derek. "The girl wants what the heart wants and I as the heart want him," the heart said and added a purr sound. I had to agree.

All this happened as I walked to the door as quickly as possible. The last thing I needed was Teddy getting suspicious or worse, knowing that we had danced together. Wait, did the apartment have cameras? Was Teddy watching us and decided to interrupt before it was too late? What about Derek? The last thing I needed was thinking about Derek as immediately I heard his name, my heart did things including making me lust for him. After I pushed Derek away into the deepest parts of my mind, I opened the door.

Teddy was as usual dressed officially. He had a smile on his face which somehow bothered me. Did he know that Derek and I had dirty danced a few moments ago? Before I could begin overthinking stuff, he greeted me.

"Niko sawa," I replied as he walked into the apartment. (I am alright.)

"How is he?" He asked as if he wanted to prepare himself.

An image of him and I dancing formed in my mind and I wondered what to say. The music was still playing which helped to hide my tension.

"He is okay," I replied with a nervous smile. Teddy nodded and he walked ahead of me towards the sitting room.

I was going to see him, I thought. I hadn't even glanced at him ever since we separated and I didn't want to. I knew the moment I looked at him, I would be a goner. Unlike the previous times, I knew that I was crushing on him and looking at him might possibly make it worse. It was also going to be awkward between us. I however was curious to see how Derek would react.

I walked behind Teddy who seemingly had no clue on what had happened. He walked into the sitting room and the first thing he noticed was the music.

"Didn't know you were a fan of gengetone," Teddy said to Derek cheerfully. I was right behind him but I hadn't looked at Derek.

I expected a reply from Derek. But there wasn't and that disappointed Teddy and I. It was when I gathered the courage to look at Derek. He was seated at the couch, his signature glare on. Wow, he really knew how to shift from one mood to another. He was staring at the TV but it was obvious he wasn't paying attention to the TV nor was he paying attention to us.

"Hey," I heard Teddy say and Derek snapped from the trance he had been. He didn't raise his head to look at Teddy but he replied. His voice was monotonous which was really scary. I couldn't detect what he was feeling and that pissed me off. Why did I even want to know what he was feeling? I was a mess already.

Before it got any worse, I decided to rush into the kitchen. I was going to prepare lunch. I just hoped that it was going to take my mind off Derek. A few minutes into cooking and it wasn't working. My mind was enjoying torturing me with the flashbacks of Derek and I dancing. But why did I love it?