Internal Noise | Haechan

f o r t y t h r e e

The old man put an arm around me, patting my back as my sobs slowly started to subside.

"When Donghyuck was seven, he fell into the sea," he started, "we were on my fishing boat. I don't know how it happened. I turned around for one second... one second and he was gone... but he swam. He held onto the railing even as I didn't know what to do... he didn't let go." His voice was soft, but coated with a feeling I wasn't quite understanding. "At fifteen his dad died... he got into so much trouble at school... but he still studied hard to graduate. He pulled through."

I sat up, sniffling the last of my tears. I was confused, surprised, I didn't know he had been through so much... I didn't know anything...

"What I'm trying to say is he'll pull through this too. He always does."

The old man's eyes tried their best to smile. He tried to keep his hopes up. Tried to comfort me. I looked back at Donghyuck through the opening of the door. The monitors beeping steadily as his chest rose and fell, breathing slowly.

He'll be okay... he has to be.

— ☔︎ —

After hours of just sitting there, talking about our relationship and stories of when he was a kid, his grandfather convinced me to go home for a while. It was for the best. I had barely left the hospital since I got there. But with him there, the thought of having someone he cared for by his side gave me some peace of mind.

I showered. I ate. I cleaned. I tried everything I could to keep my mind off of him. Then I remembered it was thanks to Mark that Hyuck's grandpa had come.

We weren't on the best of terms. I put a lot of the blame on him. On the fact that he was one of the reasons we fought that day. But if it wasn't for him, Hyuck would still be alone. His family would've had no idea what was happening.

I picked up my phone and called him.

"Hello?" His voice sounded surprised from the other side.

"Hi, Mark." God what was I doing? I didn't know what to say. I knew I should've thanked him. I wanted to, but just hearing his voice made me feel uneasy.

"Did something happen? Is Haechan okay?"

"He's still asleep... I just... I wanted to thank you."

There I said it.

There was silence from his side. I checked to see if the call had ended, it hadn't.

"For calling his grandfather. Thank you. He said it was probably hard for you to find him."

"Oh- no, no. It was no trouble. I just remembered I had his number somewhere in case of an emergency..." he said.

"Well, thanks," I started to pull the phone away from my ear, not knowing what else to say to him, when he started talking again.

"Nari." I said nothing, just listened. "I'm really sorry. For everything. I wish there was more I could do."

"It's fine. We just have to wait."

"Nari. I know you don't wanna talk to me. I get that you think I'm a terrible person. I'm not proud of myself either. But I feel I needed to tell you, Eunha told Jaehyun."

Is this guy serious right now? This is the last thing I want to hear.

"That's why she was there, at the villa. I thought you should know. It's all over now."

"It never should've started, Mark. You know that," my voice was harsh, annoyed, this wasn't something I wanted to keep losing my time over. I had already lost a fair share of neurons dwelling over their relationship when, in reality, Hyuck was right. It was none of my business. It was wrong, yes, but I should've just let it go. Let them deal with it instead of insisting so much on them coming clean when I wanted them to. Truth was, I had no idea what was happening between them, how it started, what happened with Jaehyun. I knew nothing. And I created this mess myself.

When my voice sounded mean, it wasn't because I hated Mark or Eunha or anyone else for that matter. I was just mad at myself for letting others' problems bother me so easily.

I sighed, realizing it was best if I just let it all go.

"I'm sorry. I don't know anything about what you guys were going through, Mark. I shouldn't have pushed you to come clean under my terms. It was not my place. So please, let's not talk about this again."

There was silence from the other side. He probably didn't expect me to say anything of that sort, but I couldn't keep spending time thinking about that. I had more pressing issues to tend to. More important people in my life that mattered so much more to me than my old high school friends' love triangle.

So, I hung up.

I felt a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I took a deep breath, relaxing on the couch for the first time that week. Then my phone started to ring again.

My stomach dropped. The five seconds of relaxation flying through the window as my anxiety took over at the sight of the caller ID.

Why would they call me? Did something bad happen?!

"H-hello?"

"Hello, this is Dr. Kang from Ajou University Hospital, is this Ms. Lee's phone?"