10k Hours

What Are You Doing Here?

1990

   "Have you ever wondered what it's gonna be like once we're out of here?" I looked to my left, watching the released gray stream of smoke drift in the nighttime air as it came out of his mouth.

    He pondered on the thought of finally being free and out in the world. His face always scrunched up, these little wrinkles forming in his nose like he smelled something foul.

   He handed me the blunt he'd rolled for us and I took a slow pull from it, looking at the side of his face. He always had a beautiful side profile.

   I awaited his answer, patiently as I took another puff. It was how we relaxed after a long day or if one of us was stressed out. The thing is when you're living with Ms. Moore, you're always stressed out.

   "Well one thing for sure, you're gonna be off at HU, learning about Brown V. Board of Education and Marxism, Makin' sure your nagging voice is heard in someone's classroom." I shoved his shoulder, hearing him chuckle and try to roll away in time, but this time I was invested. He always tried to deflect from my question... act like I didn't even mention him.

     "But what about you, Michael?"

   "I'll be somewhere making money until I get tired of counting it." I took another quick pull and handed it back to him. I held in the smoke as I laid back down in the grass, "I can see you now, swimming in your golden pool." I stretched my arms as I pretended to paddle them while the smoke came through my nose.

   "Don't forget the matching golden toilet too." I shook my head "You're absolutely disgusting. What in the world do you need a golden toilet for?"

   "Come on Sanaa, you know it's only the best for me."

    He'd never told me his last name, swearing it off after he was old enough to realize the severity of his situation and that he wasn't going back home to his parents.

   That's how most of us felt... hurt, alone, and forgotten. I was about 6 when I was first put into the system, being tossed around from person to person until I was 11 and met Michael here at Ms. Moore's group home.

   He was 12 himself and always outspoken, while I stayed to myself most of the time. That is until one day when one of the other kids decided to pick at me because they'd finally caught my lisp. He stepped in and ever since has been my 'Knight and Shining Armour' as he put it.

   We were now 15 and 16, I was lisp-free, and we were laid out in the park that was a few blocks from the home and equidistant to the corner store in case we got hungry. We'd always come here and sit under the tree for hours as we talked about our day and random things that popped into our minds.

   I sat up and pressed my back against the trunk of the tree. "You get to leave this hellhole before me, Michael. I want you to make the most of it, just like I'm trying to." He nodded and looked up at me from his position.

   "I promise, Sanaa." He stuck his pinkie out and I latched mine around his, then pressed my thumb into his.

   That's how we always sealed the deal...

Present Day 1998

Sanaa

   I walked into the building of my new job, immediately noticing the old paint on the walls. You could see the previous color underneath the now hideous teal that was chipping along the edges.

   The room was quiet aside from the low humming of the fluorescent lighting that looked like it would go out any given day. I tried to walk as fast as I could in these damn heels.