The Art of Losing Touch

Chapter Eight/The End

Even after a few months of being on the Lithium, I hadn't gotten used to the drowsiness, and while the twitch in my shoulders had finally faded, my hands still shook most of the time. My sleep schedule was still a mess: up for an hour, down for two, up for four or five, down for another, all day and all night. There was a regularity to it -- mostly I was awake and asleep during the same times -- but I couldn't stay awake longer than six hours at a time, and I was sleeping at least twelve hours a day once it all added up.

Mam shook me awake in the passenger's seat of the car. I snorted a little as I caught my breath, my eyes fluttering open. I wiped the sleep sand away with the heel of my hand and blinked a few times. I yawned.

"We're here, hen."

I was seeing Dr. Mitchell again. Just a regular appointment. Nothing special.

I didn't fiddle with the little animal toys anymore. My hands shook so badly, I was afraid I would drop and break them. But now that the mania was under control, the anxiety wasn't so bad, either, and my hands didn't need to keep busy so much.

"How have you been, Cal?" she asked.

"Okay," I answered. "The same."

"Your mood is still stable? No hallucinations?"

"Yeah, I'm still stable. And no hallucinations."

"Good, good. Do you need any new prescriptions or do you have enough refills for now?"

"I just need a prescription for the Risperidone," I said. I looked up from my hands in my lap. "Um, Dr. Mitchell?"

She looked up from her prescription pad. "Yes?"

"My sleep is really messed up," I said. "I mean, I like the medication except for that. Other than being tired all the time, I'm doing really well. Is there anything we can do? Can we adjust the dosage schedule or something?"

She looked down at the prescription pad again and hummed thoughtfully.

"I'd hesitate to change the Lithium dosage or schedule," she said, "because, like you said, it's stabilized your mood, and you're doing better than you have in months. But I agree that once you're done with school, this sleep issue could be a problem." She tapped her pen on the prescription pad a few times, then looked back up and said, "I'm going to start you on a new medication. Once a day, in the morning, with your other morning medications, with breakfast. It should help give you some energy to push through the initial drowsiness so you can stay awake through the day, and hopefully sleep more normally at night."

I nodded.

"This one I can't write refills for, so you'll have to make sure you come in every month so I can give you a new prescription."

I nodded again. She ripped the prescription out of her book and handed it to me.

"Take care, Cal. Make your next appointment for a month from now."

We filled the medication on the way home so I could start it right away.

The new medication wasn't like the mood stabilizers or anti-psychotics that took a week or two to take effect. The changes were instant. It took minutes to feel a difference. Instead of the drowsy, heavy-headed, heavy-limbed feeling I always got in the morning, I was just... awake. I was alert and clearheaded, the way I felt before I took my medication after breakfast. Rather than a new feeling, it was a lack of old side effects, and for the first time in over a year, I finally felt normal.

cowen: I have amazing news, Craig!

cparker: ya? what's up?

cowen: We finally found a medication mix that really works!