Barely A Memory

Chapter 23

She crossed her arms over her chest angrily. "It's been exactly two years since Elena Gilbert left your sorry ass behind."

Stefan shrugged his shoulders. "I completely forgot."

Now a bit aggravated, Caroline threw her hands up in the air. "Sure you did."

Stefan sighed and rolled over in bed so that he could slowly get himself into a sitting position. "I told you, Caroline," he said slowly, bringing his hands up to his face, his voice scratchy from sleep, "I'm done with her." Stefan exhaled deeply and trudged his way out of bed. He really did not feel like discussing this.

"That's not what you said last night." As soon as Caroline finished speaking, he cringed in embarrassment. He didn't even want to know what he'd said.

Despite his horrible headache, Stefan rushed out into the bathroom. He couldn't stand Caroline's incredulous gaze any longer. "It doesn't matter. I'm over her. I've been over her for two years," he yelled while staring into the mirror.

"That explains why you've had commitment issues ever since she left," she replied sarcastically with a scoff.

He sighed for what felt like the thousandth time. There was no doubt that he, in fact, had not stayed in a relationship for more than a few months since he'd been left behind by his supposed true love. There were a few girls who he could see himself with, sure, but none of them really managed to fill that void in his heart. During freshman year there was Victoria, a good friend of his from Philosophy class who had developed feelings after hearing him vent about Elena night after night. She'd told him that she'd never met someone so sensitive and helped him get over the breakup. He kissed her once, too, and it was fine—no sparks, but there was no doubt it made him a little hopeful. She, however, was already set up to transfer to a school in California, and when she left at the end of the semester, Stefan did not bother to keep in touch. He felt too guilty to call her back, and he wasn't totally sure why.

And that summer there was Kari for about a month. She was great in bed... Not as great as her though, but then again, no one ever would be. Caroline always said that Kari was corrupting Stefan with her constant partying and explosive personality. Stefan, on the other hand, did not mind being corrupted one bit. It was a great distraction. The Kari days were great and fun and helped him to feel alive again, but his affection for her ended there. Not to mention the fact that after the first summer night that they slept in the same bed, he showered for an entire hour, trying to wipe her trace off of his skin until Caroline told him over and over again through the bathroom door that he'd done nothing wrong.

And Stefan knew, deep in the pit of his chest, that both of these women had been nothing but attempted tools to help him move on. Victoria had his mind and his heart for a sweet, ephemeral moment. Kari had his body and everything that Victoria didn't. The problem was that he couldn't find someone to hold every part of him anymore. To balance out his good and evil and his flaws and attributes. "I haven't found the right person," he answered finally.

"No. You haven't found Elena."

"I don't want Elena." He ran cold water over his face. Please, just drop it, Caroline. Drop it, drop it, drop it.

"You're telling me that if she walked through those doors right now and was magically in love with you again..."

"Caroline," he said firmly, coming out of the bathroom with his lips in a firm line. "I'm over her. I only really knew her for a few months." He slowly walked over to the closet, his shoulders hunched with anger as he grabbed whatever shirt his hand hit first. Those few, rocky months had been the best of his life. "I'm not a seventeen year old, memory-less idiot anymore. I've made new memories and I don't need Elena. I wouldn't want the relationship we had anyways. We were far too dependent on each other."