Barely A Memory

Chapter 12

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"He can't be serious." Elena paced back and forth in the Salvatore's parlor, running her fingers through her hair anxiously.

"Shhh." Damon furiously put a finger to his lips, followed by a quick point upstairs. They'd kept Stefan up there on a mission to search for Vervain, though truly, it was nothing but a distraction at this point. Upon hearing his demand to be turned, both Damon and Elena circumvented the request and made halfhearted excuses to go downstairs. Now, Damon was shrugging his shoulders. "It was just an idea. I'm sure he'll forget about it within an hour."

Elena sent him a fierce glare. "It's Stefan. He doesn't forget anything. He wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it."

"Well, if he wants to be turned—"

Whipping around quickly, Elena gave him a deadly look, making Damon freeze immediately. "You are not turning him. Stefan is not going to learn to hate himself again." After erratically moving from location to location, she sat herself down on the couch, her face buried in her hands. "It's been so amazing to see him like this. The guilt... it's gone."

Damon eyed her hesitantly for a long moment before taking a seat beside her. "We both know that the kid upstairs isn't Stefan. He's confused and he's—"

"He is Stefan," she snapped, her anger beginning to make her blood boil. How could Damon say something so foolish? "You know him better than anyone! He may not be our Stefan, but that's who he's supposed to be! That's who he was supposed to be before Katherine came along... he wasn't supposed to hate himself, and he sure as hell wasn't supposed to live forever. This is who he is."

Letting out a deep sigh, Damon gazed into the empty furnace. "All I'm saying is, he's different. Maybe if he turned now, it'd be good for him. That's who he's been most of his life. Whether you want to admit it or not, being a vampire is part of Stefan now; it's practically tapestry. Maybe he'd get a better idea of who he is."

"That's not true!" Elena tried to keep her voice low, but it was getting increasingly difficult. "He's wanted this for the past century, and I'm not going to let his blissful ignorance ruin that. Stefan told me... before everything... when we first learned about the cure, that he'd dreamt about being human for so long," she started, staring at the ceiling. She collected her thoughts for a long second, and Damon waited patiently. When she spoke again, her eyes were wet. "You know, sometimes I think about that day when he sacrificed himself. He didn't seem scared; if anything, he was ready. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe he didn't die for me."

Damon interrupted, "But he did—"

She waved him off. "No, I know he died for me. But a part of me wonders if it wasn't all about that." Trying to keep her voice from shaking, Elena finally looked Damon in the eyes. "I think he wanted to die... because it's the most human thing that a vampire can experience. I think he kind of wanted to experience the dependence that you have on someone before your life is ripped away. It's the opposite of vampirism, I guess." She watched as Damon opened his mouth to say something, but she cut in before he could speak again.

Damon exhaled deeply. "We can't rip this away from him," he concluded.

"Yes," she agreed. "It's not every day that someone dies and turns human. So I guess we'll just have to fight to keep it that way, right?"

After a long moment, Damon grinned, and for the first time in a long while, it felt genuine.

"What are you guys talking about?"

Stefan turned the corner into the parlor, causing both Elena and Damon to jump in response. They exchanged worried glances before Damon smoothly took over. "Actually, we were talking about you. How's that memory treating you, brother?"