explosion (jay halstead / one chicago)

chapter 29

liz's pov

The next few weeks went by quickly. On shift, my friends made me practice any minute we weren't on a call, and whenever I wasn't on shift, I spent as much time as possible training alone, with Erin, with Jay, who, by the way, really didn't know what it meant to be exhausted, and at times even with Kim or Adam. Other than that, I tried to spend a lot of free days with my firehouse family, while also hanging out with Jay as much as I could.

All in all, life was good. I had the most amazing family I could wish for at firehouse 51, I had the best older brother in the world, Kelly, I had the most wonderful best friend, Sylvie, and I was in a relationship I never even could have dreamed of a year ago with Jay. I had way more than I would have ever expected I could have, and at the same time way more than I still thought I deserved. I was recovering from the damage my past had brought upon me, and although the scars were still visible both inside and out, I was more and more learning to accept their existence.

Of course, I didn't expect the hurt and the fear and the anger to ever fully disappear, but I was becoming comfortable living with them. Sometimes, Jay and I would spend hours or even full nights talking about the things I experienced in Madrid. He wouldn't interrupt, he wouldn't judge. He would just listen and hold me tight, and when the morning came, I would feel better. Other times we would spend hours or nights talking about what he lived through in Afghanistan. I knew he had a hard time coping with these things, and perhaps an even harder time sharing them, but I was glad he did, and it seemed to be helpful to him as well.

Somehow, we were like two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. Jay was the one person that I never knew was missing in my life until he walked into it. No matter what happened on the job, no matter what wounds it teared open – we were okay as long as we were together. We had a connection so deep we understood each other without words, we talked about things we never shared with anyone, and we showed our most vulnerable sides to the other, never doubting that it was the right thing to do.

On the other hand, when we weren't staying up all night supporting each other, when we weren't talking serious matters for hours and holding on to what we had as if it was all there was left in this world, we were simply happy. It might seem like a strange contradiction, but as much as we could lean on each other in our darkest hours, we were carefree and crazy most of the time, always fooling around, and messing with each other for the fun of it. I guess that's what my friends at the firehouse referred to when they said we were perfect for each other. I guess I just never knew real love before I met Jay.

After weeks of hard practice, after trying my best day after day while at the same time still working shifts on ambo 61, I was nervous about hearing if I made it into the academy. I knew I could get the news any time now, and I wasn't sure I was prepared for it. I would be lying if I said I never wanted anything as much as getting into the police academy, because I had spent years of my life praying every night that I would get out of a stupid gang and a trashy home in Madrid. But it is safe to say that being accepted into the academy would manifest another turning point for me, it would manifest the fact that I made it and that I was aiming for something new. Something bigger and greater than what I already had.

When I got up on this stormy Chicago morning, for some reason I knew the day had come. I had this feeling that the decision was close and that it was only hours until I would know if I made it into the academy or if I would stay at firehouse 51 for the years to come. I was alone at our apartment because Sylvie and Jay had left early. Right, Jay – Sylvie claimed he spent more nights at our apartment than at his, but she didn't complain since she preferred having me around. And although she didn't like to admit it, I knew she also enjoyed having my annoying boyfriend over and messing around with him. So, Sylvie and Jay had already left, Sylvie having to take care of something before shift, and Jay being called to a scene early in the morning.