[ minho x jisung ]
"sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head."
when minho gets forced into therapy by his mother, he meets jisung, his therapist. minho has never been one to talk about his feelings, but as he becomes more comfortabl...
"why are you so funny?!" felix asked, his giggles calming down. changbin shrugged with a bright smile on his face, trying to hold in his laugh.
"maybe you're sense of humor just sucks, lix! cause i didn't think it was that funny-"
minho frowned, continuing to eves drop on their conversation.
"i love you're laugh, by the way. have i ever told you that? it's so joyful and pure," changbin complemented, staring lovingly into felix's eyes. it made minho jealous, and grew curious that if felix never walked into changbin's life, if that could be the best friends laughing at one of changbin's bad jokes.
"no, you haven't. but thank you!" felix was obviously overjoyed. minho's heart sank lower and lower as he listened to the conversation go on. it really reminded him on how much he missed hanging with his old friend, and how much fun they would have together.
minho had to look away and turn around in the tube when the couple fell into a kiss. it was too hard for him to watch his once best friend, kiss the person who took him away.
silent tears started running down his cheeks, as he tried as hard as he could to not make any noise. he wiped the tears away, holding his breath to refrain from letting a sob escape.
minho just wanted to go home. but after waiting one painful hour for changbin and felix to leave, he finally got the chance.
his emotions were all over the place. god, he didn't think it would be that painful to watch the couple be all lovey with each other, but it felt like a shot in the heart.
without thinking, minho ran up to his room, slamming the door shut and locking it. he let out the sobs he had been holding in, feeling broken and alone.
he couldn't control himself. he went over to his drawer, pulling out his blade. minho kept his gaze on it as he gripped it hard in his hand. there was a war going on in his mind, weather he should do it or not.
you deserve it.
the urge was unbearable. his once calming trip to the park turned into a constant reminder of how fucking worthless and lonely he was, and how he only makes people want to leave his fucked up self.
do it.
minho couldn't take it anymore. he collapsed to his knees, crying harshly has he let the blade trace over a formerly healed scar. he stared numbly as his arm began to bleed, hardly even feeling the sting. if anything, the pain felt relieving to him, and not feeling anything only made him want to do it more.
"w-was i not fucking g-good enough?" he cried, making another cut. "was i s-so bad?" he couldn't care less about how red his arm was slowly becoming as he irritated the scars, he just wanted to feel something again. even if that something was pain.
you deserve more than this. keep going, make yourself feel as horrible as you make others feel.
"leave me alone!" he yelled, voice cracking, "go away! please!" minho brought the blade down to his arm again, abusing his very fragile and pale skin. tears aggressively fell out of his eyes, and he was grateful his mother was still not home.
he observed the fresh wounds, coming to a realization on what he just impulsively did.
"i-i failed..." minho sadly sobbed, "i c-couldn't stop..."
then his mind went to jisung. how will he face him tomorrow?
minho sat against his wall on the floor, feeling drained of all energy. he felt absolutely pathetic and weak, and the new markings on his arms prove it.
minho felt more tears roll down his face. he couldn't contain his emotions. but he's not crying because of the pain, because of the new damage he's done; but because he broke the promise he made to himself to stay strong. crying because he once again proved, that he's incapable of change.
and that he'll always remain the same, broken boy, who feels like any sort of happiness is miles and miles away.
~
god, i suck at writing heavily details like this. i wanted to make you all get into minho's mindset, but i guess this will have to do </3
ALSO SEUNGMIN BRACES ON HIS BOTTOM ROW AND LINGUAL ONES ON THE TOP, IM SOBBING HE LOOKS ADORABLE
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q: have you guys ever had/have braces?
a: unfortunately, yes. i had them for two and a half years </3 and as cute as seungmin looks, i'm not ready to go into cardiac arrest again when he takes them off, it'll be like jeongin all over again cjskfjs
