SATe [✔]

[11] insipience

"Marie is planning on visiting the hospital we sent Banks undercover in this morning. She is dead set on bringing you with her, so I hope you are prepared."

I press my head into the wood of the table and feel content as the coldness penetrates the heat of my forehead, "This morning?"

Too soon. That was far too soon. I didn't have time to prepare for that physically, never mind begin to fathom mentally preparing. It must have read on my face; my gut-wrenching fear that was only evoking more self-doubt and emotional vulnerability.

She had been analysing my expressions as she spoke, and this one was enough for her to embrace a mothering instinct; authoritative words are interwoven with consideration and tenderness, "The sooner, the better in her eyes."

Those words were followed by a sigh, one that indicated it wasn't a decision she agreed with. I couldn't quite tell if that was because of me, an unknown pawn in a game I knew little of, or because of Marie. She was still injured, on top of seeming a little too emotionally charged for the operation.

Whether it be the latter that was genuinely causing her dismay, she kept her attention on me. The dread that was causing me to shakily tap my fingers against the surface of a leather-wrapped book a current priority, "Hey, don't worry. We'll be attaching our team communication device to you, and I'll be on the other line ready to help; you don't even necessarily need to remember the codes either."

I wanted that to put me at ease. I knew that Smith was the technician of the team, and I'd be in good hands with her, but it did little to lighten the dark cloud above my head. I raise my head to scorn at the open booklet of codes. I'd thrown the entire thing at the table in a fit of frustration after realising I couldn't remember much more than the first three codes.

Despite the colour coding, the words and their positions refused to stick in my head, which begged the question, how could anyone else genuinely remember them?

I sat up in the chair and picked up the booklet, pointing at the page forcefully and staring at her intently, "How can any of you remember any of them? There's so many, and they're all over the place!"

She chuckles, rubbing the back of her head with one hand while taking the booklet in the other. She looks at the page covered in minute scribbles that I'd done in an attempt to memorise; categories of codes, numbering systems and anagrams. None of which had worked.

There was a slight smile on her face as she handed it back; it was like she was reliving a quiet memory to herself. She shakes her head lightly as her eyes dim, her usual not-quite-warm expression returning.

"When you use them a lot, they'll stick to you like glue. Sometimes they'll slip out in general conversation, and I have to correct myself. I was going on a date and just texted them 'C8'."

The smile had returned with a hint of sadness. I imagine the date hadn't gone well. Or perhaps it had, and that was the issue. I hadn't considered anyone living a life outside of their work life, would they be required to hide it?

If they caught a whiff of it, would one of those blue balls appear on the table for dessert? It wasn't something I wanted to worry about, and there was no one left in my life it would truly affect who hadn't already experienced it.

"Anyway," She sang as she cleared her throat, "I'm telling you not to worry. I've got your back; you've just got to have Marie's." If there was one thing that wouldn't be a problem, it was that. I just hoped I could live up to my own desire for her safety, even for a little while.

"There's some breakfast downstairs if you want it. Better hurry though, Darwin makes food disappear in seconds." She left with a laugh, but the thought of what was to come left a pit in my stomach that neither laughter nor food would fill.