the secret of Erised {s.b.}

chapter 18: realisation

The hot summer nights at Potter Manor became long and lonely for Sirius Black. He felt as if the only light left in his life was the bright moonlight coming through his bedroom window every night. He'd lay wide awake on his bed every night thinking tirelessly about the girl he had let down. Her sweet smile and honey coloured eyes haunted him everytime he closed his eyes.

A month and a half had passed ever since they arrived at Potter Manor and not a single second was spent not thinking about Esmeralda. He couldn't even look into a mirror without being reminded of his stupidity and carelessness. Everything reminded him of her and made him feel as if he was being asphyxiated by the Giant Squid. He had already had his heart broken by his Regulus and his behaviour towards him, so this was exactly what he needed to fully collapse.

He had to force himself to eat Euphemia's food to not seem ungrateful to the Potters, but he had no appetite. James noticed this and kept a closer eye on him to figure out what was wrong with him. Ever since they woke up to leave Hogwarts, Sirius had been weirdly silent and distant from him and the rest of the group. He had tried to talk to him over the first two weeks of break, but Sirius refused so he left him alone.

They were attending a party that night, but Sirius did not want to go. He decided to go regardless because he did not want to worry Fleamont and Euphemia more than they already were. Since most of his clothes remained at Grimmauld Place, James and Siris had gone shopping for muggle clothes earlier during the summer. He had purchased a black leather jacket that he wore every single day. It almost looked old because of how much Sirius had used it over the weeks.

Remus and Peter arrived that night shortly after dinner to take the Floo Network to the party. They had already eaten at their houses, but Euphemia insisted that they try her roast beef and gravy. James complained about his mum always making them late for parties causing her to throw a rolling pin at his head, which he moved out of the way from. Sirius cracked a small smile at this and James noticed so he kept making fun of his mum and teasing her with phrases like "Is that the best you've got ?" so Sirius would be entertained and smile. That worked out perfectly because by the time they had to leave for the party Sirius seemed to be in a better mood than he had all summer.

The party was at a Hufflepuff's house named Adrian. He had invited the entire year and a few other people from different years to celebrate the end of summer since they were going back in a few weeks. Adrian lived a couple of villages over from the Potters and their family's knew each other, so that's why they were allowed to use the Floo Network to get there.

Once the four young wizards stepped out of the fireplace at Adrian's house, their nostrils were filled by the scent of firewhiskey and butterbeer. Everyone was enjoying themselves dancing to muggle music and drinking. Some people were outside of the house smoking, while others were swimming in the pool with their clothes still on.

"Blimey, I didn't know Adrian had a pool," James said, "Otherwise I would've brought a swimsuit to impress Evans with my abs."

Remus scoffed.

"Sure mate," he said rolling his eyes, "I'm sure Lily would fall for you if you just showed her you body."

"You really think so ?" James replied with a hint of hope in his eyes.

Remus smacked him in the back of the head and James winced.

"Of course not, you stonking idiot,"

"Whatever," James said, "Let's get something to drink."

All four of them got a glass of firewhiskey and before anyone could notice they were all drunk. Peter had fallen asleep on an armchair in the middle of the dining room where couples were snogging left and right. Remus began to talk to a Gryffindor girl named Clara from their year. She had strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. She had always been interested in Remus, especially after she saw him in the Hospital Wing once. Clara found his scars attractive and she knew he was a nice guy from everything she'd seen and heard during her years at Hogwarts. It wasn't until the firewhiskey kicked in that she got the courage to go up to him and start a conversation. Remus spoke with her and kept the conversation going to not be rude because he didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone due to his condition. Of course he couldn't tell Clara that, so he remained by her side during the entire party making sure that she was okay and nobody took advantage of her drunken state.