Barely A Memory

Chapter 16

Elena wasn't done speaking. "I was sired to him. But that's not even an excuse, not really. Because I promised you forever. I told you on that roof that we would have eternity together once I turned... and I didn't follow through. You told me almost every day, that after everything you'd done, all the people you'd killed, you finally found something worth living for. And I took that away from you."

Stefan shook his head, a little numb but feeling everything nevertheless. "It's not your fault that the things you wanted changed."

Elena shook her head. "Katherine was right, you know?" She tried to wipe her tears away with her hand, but it was no use; they just kept streaming. "I let you die. You did it to make me human again, because I hated it, being a vampire. I hated it so much. I'd done nothing but hurt you, but you still saved me.

"And then, I was human, but you were dead, and I wanted you all over again."

She pulled her knees up to her chest. "It's all my fault, Stefan. It's all my fault. You're suffering now because of the things I put you through. Now you have to re-live all of it, and here I am, talking to you, sleeping beside you, when you should already be hundreds of miles away from me. I should have—I should have just—I should have left town when you came back. You don't deserve this again. You wanted out, you did. Damon said you did. And I've dragged you back in and I've ruined everything and I just miss you so much and I know that I shouldn't. I wish I could just let go, and I'm just too weak..." She couldn't even finish. She was now in hysterics as she poured out her heart to the man who had been the source of her guilt for what felt like its own eternity. Her shoulders were shaking and her body was convulsing, and she expected him to get up and leave right then, but he didn't. As she shook and trembled, Stefan wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her head against his chest, where she cried and cried, soaking the cotton fabric of his shirt.

She felt him gently kiss the top of her head, and it made her cry even more. "I stayed with him, Stefan," she barely got out. He said nothing and just held her a little closer, running his fingers through her hair, soothing her with gentle caresses. Elena could have sworn that she felt him crying too, but he did not let it show.

She clutched his shirt for a while longer until she had no more tears to cry. Honestly, she had no idea what time it was anymore. Gradually, the sound of her sobs had faded into complete and total silence. Unlike earlier in the night, this was not at all awkward. She just rested against Stefan's chest with her eyes wide open as he drew lazy circles on her back. Maybe he thought that she was asleep.

"Stefan?" she said, relieved that her voice no longer sounded so awful.

"Yeah?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"You."

She swallowed thickly and continued to stare out. "What about me?"

He let out a long sigh, stopped tracing circles on her back as he thought, and then quickly resumed. "I think," he breathed out, tiredly resting his chin on the top of her head, "that you're flawed."

Elena frowned and nodded. She was well aware of that.

Stefan continued, "I think that I'm flawed."

He was. He really was. But those flaws made him beautiful.

"I think that you made mistakes when you weren't in your right mind. I think I made mistakes when I wasn't in my right mind," he began, his hands never once breaking the contact with her skin. "But we have to accept the fact that that's a terrible excuse. We made those mistakes, whatever they were."

She nodded against his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat beneath his t-shirt. "We're not going to make mistakes again," she said aloud, although it was meant only to be a thought.

"Yes, we will," Stefan said calmly. "We're going to make lots of mistakes."

Elena smiled softly in agreement.

"And maybe I'm making one right now," he said, his caress on her back coming to an abrupt stop. For the hundredth time that night, Elena's heart fell. She didn't know if she could handle losing him again, knowing it was because of her... "Elena," he exhaled.

"Yes, Stefan?"

"This past month, since I woke up, you have lied to me, driven me crazy, confused me, and upset me."

Her mouth formed a straight line. She knew what was coming. The inevitable rejection. Her body was tense. "I know, and I'm sorr—"

He cut her off. "It makes no sense, but for some damned reason, I think that I'm in love with you."

And there it was. The words seemed to flow so easily off of his tongue, so candid and honest. And she wanted to cry out and hold him against her and never let him go, but she didn't want to move. She was too relaxed, and once again, he was tracing circles on her back. "I'm sorry that I made you fall in love with me," she chuckled halfheartedly.

She felt him shrug his shoulders. "Don't be," he whispered. "I don't think you had anything to do with it."

Because, truly, he would have fallen for her even if he'd never met her.

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