Barely A Memory

Chapter 15

Elena had never seen him look more like a child than he did in this moment. "Promise?" he swallowed.

Caroline grinned. "Promise. Now get in that car. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can come back, you knucklehead."

Stefan laughed and gave a playful wave before retiring to the backseat of the car. Trying to keep a straight face, Elena waved as well.

As soon as she closed the door, Damon sped off.

They drove for hours until they were a good four hundred miles outside of Mystic Falls. Elena glanced out the window and did not see much of anything: fields, an occasional McDonalds.

The entire drive had been tiring. When she wasn't arguing with Damon, she was worrying about Stefan, who hadn't said two words the entire trip. Whenever she glanced back, he was staring out the window, lost in a world that she couldn't even begin to fathom. The things she would do just to be able to step into that world, just for a moment...

"I'm tired," she finally blurted out.

"Tough," Damon muttered under his breath. Elena sent him a glare.

"Damon, we need to stop and get something to eat. I need to sleep. We can't drive to an unknown destination and never get out."

"We'll go to a drive-through. Sleep in the car."

Elena huffed, annoyed and furious. She did not feel like dealing with Damon for the rest of this trip. She was hungry, exhausted, and already miserable.

Suddenly, a voice that Elena hadn't heard all day finally spoke up. "Let's go there." Surprised, she turned and looked back at Stefan, who was pointing at a Motel 8 coming up on the corner of the road. "I'm tired, too."

She cracked the slightest smile. She knew he wasn't that tired.

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It definitely was not the Four Seasons, but it was good enough. Two beds and a couch –which Damon had already claimed—seemed to be the only furniture in the dingy place, but Elena didn't really mind. She just couldn't wait to finally close her eyes!

But for some odd reason, as she heard the water of Damon's shower go on, she was anything but tired. The bathroom door was closed, and for the first time since last night, she was alone with Stefan. She sat on the edge of her bed and silently watched for a long moment as he flicked the lamp on and tried to examine his head wound in the tiny mirror. He twisted his neck at uncomfortable angles and winced at some, so, with a sigh, Elena moved to her feet and strode over to him.

"Let me," she said softly, moving his hands away from his head. Placing one hand on his shoulder, she used the other to add slight pressure to the spot where he had hit the tree. When Stefan gasped out, she knew that she had found it. "It looks a lot better," she promised, wishing he would just say something. "It's healing already. Maybe if Damon gave you a little bit of his blood—"

"No!" he sharply cut her off, and Elena stopped talking. Leaning her head over to the side to get a good view of his face in the mirror, she placed the hand that had previously been in his hair on his other shoulder, caressing his exposed skin along the way. He chilled.

When her fingertips brushed against his neck, Stefan closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds. The air between them was electric, magnetic, and he wished to god that she would just stop touching him. He wished to god that he could gain the power to tell her to stop touching him. She wasn't even doing anything at this point, but the simple energy of her hands against his, the contact... it was like a live circuit. He opened his mouth to try and speak a few times, but every time he did, he met her hopeful and afraid eyes in the mirror, and he lost the ability to speak. "You really... shouldn't," he managed to spit out.

Elena moved away, causing Stefan to breathe out slowly. Touch me again, he wanted to tell her. Just one more time. Make me feel something other than pain again. He could still see her face in the mirror, and he wanted nothing more than to wipe the hurt off of it. "Shouldn't what?" she asked.

Stefan closed his eyes. "Shouldn't love me," he said after a pause. "You shouldn't love me." I don't deserve it.

Elena simply nodded. "I know."

A slow breath exited his lips as he turned around to gaze into her eyes, deep, chocolaty eyes that he had nearly taken the life out of. The thought made him want to die all over again. "And I shouldn't love you." You deserve more.

Where was he even going with this? Was his goal to hurt her even more? He internally cursed himself the moment the next words escaped Elena's lips.

"Well, do you?"

He didn't want to answer her. Couldn't answer her. Elena closed her eyes and quickly wiped the back of her eyes before the tears could fall. He wanted to ask her what was wrong –his mind and heart were screaming at him to ask her—but he forced himself to turn around. Make her hate you, he told himself. Make her hate you. It's easier.

"You can't shut me out," she finally said, rougher than usual. Stefan froze, but did not face her. "You've done this before, you know? I know that you can't remember, but you do this when you're afraid to get close and I hate it when you shut me out."

Stefan did not speak, and Elena felt her eyes beginning to fill with fresh, burning tears. "I know I made a mistake, Stefan. I made a huge mistake and I'll never forgive myself for the things I said to you. Yes, I lied all this time, and yes, I stayed with Damon after you died. I was alone, and I was confused, but—"

He abruptly spun around. "Why do you even care about me?"

Elena froze, unsure of how this even related to what she was telling him. "What?"

"You were so nice to me. When I came back, you hugged me. And here you are, taking care of me, and I just can't figure it out. Why?"

She swallowed nervously, her posture stiffening. "I... I'm sorry, Stefan, but I'm not following."

He quickly approached her, now inches away. His green eyes searched hers for answers, though she was nothing but baffled by his sudden question. Now, though, when he spoke, her stomach fell to the floor and the earth beneath her feet began to quake. "How can you love a monster, Elena?"

And then she finally recognized the expression in his cold, green eyes. Stefan was not angry, not tonight. The consuming emotion that had been present on his face all day had been guilt.

She was just about to bring her hand to the side of his face and tell him that he was far from a monster, but she did not get the chance, for a knock on the door snapped them out of their moment.

They exchanged confused glances. Who on earth would come to their room at this hour?

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