For Ellie (Wattys Version)

26. Handsome tattooed heartthrob

"Can we put the new launching plan into voting. Anyone in favor of launching earlier please raise your hand." Henry put his own hand up.

I looked at the men sitting along the table each of them raising a hand, there was no one against, only Christoper has hesitated a moment before voting. All eyes turned to me when I could suddenly picture doctor Dejun sitting at that table, his small figure, the burning eyes always looking at me as if they'd like to find a crack in me. He was the only one who would never raise his hand for sure and Jason, Jason wouldn't raise his hand either.

"Mr. Ju?" Kim Dowoo looked my way.

All of them were watching me with expectancy, the room becoming so stuffy I had no air to breath so suddenly.

Will I really let Mark rot in prison for something he hasn't done, something I've ordered him to do.

Still, Henry's plan seemed the only way to get out of the affair with a good reputation and the only chance for Outer Space to leave the Solar System.

I'm so sorry Mark, but I need to fulfill grandfather's dream, I whispered in my mind before raising my hand, hearing a loud sigh of relief from senator Warren.

"Let's launch on August 20th." I said getting up. "Excuse me sirs I have a lot to take care off." I whispered leaving the room walking down the corridor to the nearest bathroom, closing the door behind myself, leaning against the sink inhaling sharply to not to break out into tears.

The static of the early morning wasn't calming at all. I haven't slept a bit at night. Despite first dawn raising I was far from the city taking rushed steps towards a metal gate of a cemetery. There was bundle of flowers Lucas had randomly picked in the garden behind my villa in my hand.

Did I come to give my heart a plaster over the throbbing wound or was I here to understand grandfather's will.

The static of fog ribbons raising above the stone walls of the graves seemed like a mirror reflection of my inner state. Ambivalent to logic, robbed of all mercy I was here finding a path along frozen memories to stop above grandfather's grave.

'Resting in stars where he belongs' said the golden letters incrusted in the raw stone.

I leaned down placing the flowers on the grave's plate.

There were some birds singing in the trees, the only one whiteness of my lone time here.

Blue birds.

This thought came twisting my insides with an avalanche of pain. This morning the Kim brothers had sent me news from court. Mark's process didn't even last a day. He was in the main prison now sentenced to a lifetime there, when it should be me and Henry...

I felt my jaw trembling.

"Grandfather." My raspy voice was like scratched, as if a monster was suddenly babbling something. "Grandfather, an innocent man has paid for my stupidity. I lost the probe -sphere. We will launch on August 20th. Are you happy? Are you ok what's happening? Are we just cowards escaping a sinking ship?"

There was just silence, only the birds singing morning melodies.

"Grandfather allow me to believe in the mission again as I'm losing my goal. I'm so lost. Send me a sign. Show me the way." I was begging, but of course there was just silence. Only the birds singing, few raising up into the sky.

Blue birds.

I sighed turning from the grave, my steps rushed again when I was heading back to the gate to slam it shut behind me.