Barely A Memory

Chapter 7

"You're a writer, aren't you?" He raised an expressive eyebrow. "Is that the real lesson of the day? Jump off of a cliff that symbolizes falling in love while also learning that living trumps love?" He stopped for a second to make sure what he had just said made sense. "Yes, that's what I meant... I think."

Don't smile, Elena. Don't smile. Do. Not. Smile. She smiled. For the hundredth time. And she hated herself a little more. "Pretty much. Look, doing this gives you a similar experience. There's the nerves, the letting go, the falling, the flying..."

"The inevitable crashing," he finished for her. Elena sighed and nodded. Stefan bit his bottom lip, tilting his head slightly. "You think all love ends like that? With a crash?"

She hated the way the hope deflated from his eyes. "It's rare," she finally replied, not knowing exactly how to respond to that. In her case... yes, she had crashed and burned many times. Matt. Damon. Stefan. Especially Stefan, who she should have been flying with forever. "Maybe someday, you won't." But not with her. She would make sure of that.

Stefan nodded and turned his attention back to the cliff, and Elena put herself back on track. "Okay, Stefan," she said, trying to lighten the mood. "You ready to do this?"

He shrugged.

Her heart sank a little bit; she could sense Stefan's disappointment. The previously pleasant air spinning between them had grown stale. "Alright," she interjected. "This is a really bad metaphor. A terrible one. And I don't even understand the point of this anymore, but we're here, and you're going to jump... not because it symbolizes love, but because you're going to have fun."

He sighed and shrugged once more, putting on a smile. "Fine," he agreed. But before he took another step closer to the edge, he faced Elena. "Only if you jump with me."

She held her breath. How could she reject him when he looked so sad, so confused, and so momentarily lost? "Yeah," she breathed. "Yeah, I'll jump with you."

And so, she watched as Stefan kicked off his shoes, and she did the same. He fingered the bottom of his gray t-shirt for a long moment before deciding to keep it on, and for that, Elena was very thankful. When he gallantly offered his hand, she accepted.

They stood at the very edge of the cliff, staring down at the shimmering water beneath them. Stefan swallowed. "How deep is that?"

She chuckled. "Deep enough. Now jump." He continued to stare down, frozen in place. Elena gave him a small nudge. "You know, I'm waiting for you to jump."

He smiled. "I was waiting for you to jump!"

They both looked at each other and laughed for a second too long. After a long second of pleasantly cool silence, Stefan looked back down. "We'll go together. One, two..."

"Three!" Elena shouted gleefully, lost in the moment, in the feel of his hand in hers.

Then, they fell.

Stefan closed his eyes, letting a small shout escape his lips as they descended towards the water. It was true; in the week he had spent in Mystic falls, he had never felt more alive. When they hit the surface of the water, he still held onto her hand as tightly as he could, and, much to his surprise, was able to hold on. The water was cold when it came in contact with his body, but he didn't really mind. They were at least ten feet under the surface before they started swimming again. His lungs began to burn as they rushed to the top. Once he came in contact with sweet, sweet oxygen, he let go of Elena's hand. He let his head fall back and he laughed.

She stared at him in awe, wanting to remember this forever.

"That was... incredible!" he declared. His eyes fell on hers, and her heart felt as if it were going to pound out of her chest. Stefan's green eyes were glowing, and his hair was sticking to his forehead in a disorganized mess and... he was beautiful. Human and beautiful.

She grinned brightly, moving to the shallower part of the lake. "Was it everything you expected?"

"More!" Stefan laughed again and let himself stare at Elena and all of her natural beauty. He'd never felt more thankful for another. His pulse rushed as he continued simply to look at her. The longer he did this, the stronger his heartbeat grew, the pressure building in his chest, spreading to the tips of his fingers and even to the ends of his hair. He didn't even know that was possible, but it was! As he gazed at this girl, this creative, wonderful -did he mention beautiful—girl, the strangest sensation rushed through him, one he had never, ever experienced or expected to experience. And without even thinking, fueled by this wacky adrenaline rush and Elena's wonderful... everything... Stefan leaned forward and kissed her smiling lips, as if he'd done it a thousand times.

He closed his eyes and could have sworn she had just started to kiss back... when they both almost immediately came to their senses and backed away. Stefan, heart still pounding, brought a finger to his lips and stepped further away, shocked by his action. Elena, on the other hand, was staring at something only she could see, a blank look in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he muttered, instantly disgusted with himself. "I have no idea what just came over me."

Elena swallowed thickly, speaking absently. "No, no... it's fine." Her voice was flat as she exited the lake, almost mechanically.

"No," Stefan snarled a bit, internally cursing himself. "That was not fine. That was... that was... there are no excuses. That's terrible. You're with Damon! How could I-" He shook his head once again, confused and angry and... less lost? He shook the thought off. Less lost? That would be ridiculous!

The drive back to the boarding house was awkward. Elena did not take her eyes off of the road and neither did Stefan. Only few words were spoken, and when they were, it was either an apology or a terrible attempt at small talk that did not get very far. After what seemed like hours, Elena pulled up at the Salvatore boarding house.

Stefan avoided her eyes, she so desperately wanted to reach out and hold his hand, tell him that it was perfectly fine, that she understood, that he hadn't done anything wrong. But she wouldn't bring herself to do it.

"Thank you for today," he finally said.

Elena meekly nodded.

He didn't know whether or not to apologize again, but decided against it, for he knew she probably wouldn't hear him. Furious at himself and strangely enough, feeling somewhat hurt –he didn't quite know why-, Stefan opened the car door and walked into his house.

Elena quickly drove away, holding the steering wheel tighter than she ever had before while she drove. She did not make it too far though, her pounding, confused, unclear thoughts surrounding her and suffocating her. Once she got a good mile away from Stefan's house, Elena pulled over onto the side of the road and rested her head against the steering wheel.

Then, she cried.

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Make me a monster,
Make me a beast,
Prey on my weakness,
Become my disease
I've been lovesick and empty,
Cold and I'm trembling
Still holding out
For my fairytale ending

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