Kadhalin Niram

Calming Orange...

The following week, her silence to the people at the house increased to 'Hmms' and 'Seris'. For someone who prayed and wished who would get married into this house felt like her wish came true but the happiness she thought she would attain, in doing so, left her barren.

Sometimes she would just sit in a place and the time would fly past without her actually paying attention to it. Memories of her marriage day would go about in slow motion in her head. Every minut things come alive in her head.

She thinks about them so much that sometimes only the colors of certain things remain in her mind. Fresh and alive waiting to destroy any shred of dignity she had in her.

Like the yellow of her marital thread, that fell loose from Jeeva's grip, and into her lap. The striking red of Meena's saree, when she came in stopping her marriage. The spread of brown of her mother's saree, tear stained, getting darker and darker. And lastly the flashing blinding white of Kathir's veshti.

Sometimes, it made her dizzy, she went to sleep in those days. 

Sometimes it made her want to scream in the top of her lungs that she would stop herself from doing so by crying instead.

On the other hand, Kathir pretended that she did not even exist and in the room. Which only infuriated her more adding fuel to the fire. The least he could do was acknowledge her presence, after all that his family did to her that could have been his repentance but he religiously ignored her.

On those days,  even when she closed her eyes, she could see red.

But another part of her is really happy that this was how he was planning to deal with her instead of making her life hell by shouting at her or starting a fight with her.

It was mainly Dhanam who expected every to go normal immediately which was impossible for her. After 3 days of being in the room, Mullai finally came out to the kitchen to make herself tea, only to encounter a hopeful Dhanam.

For a second, All she could concentrate was on that icy blue flames of the gas stove before she burst out at Dhanam.

And after her outburst at Dhanam, who from then maintained a distance. Which she later felt bad for, but tried hard not to show it. All the anger being vented out, it calmed Mullai. She was never a person who would hold mighty grudges. And she was afraid that If she stepped out of her room and made conversation with everyone her anger would fly away.

So She stood her ground, by literally, staying put in her room.

One afternoon, there was a hesitant knock on her door. She blinked away from her trance sitting on the floor against the white walls.

It was Kannan.

"Anni..." He started, timidly, his voice in a low octave. She had never heard his voice that sober. She got up immediately, a little worried.

"Sollu Kannan..Enna da.." she asked nearing him. He seemed to squirm a little, his eyes downcast.

"Dhanam Anni enga nu theriyuma..."he asked.

"Theriyaliye... En da?" a week and a half had gone by where she did not want to make it out of this room, unless absolutely necessary, to save herself from those eyes that looked at her with pity.

"Illa lunch time la Inga than vanthu sapuduvan... Anni illa, kitchen la ethu ennaga iruku nu theriyala, vera varu kekanu theriyala... Athan..." He trailed off, unable to look at her eyes and focusing on his toes.

A lump formed on her throat. She was so afraid of being pitied on, so focused on making the others feel bad that she alienated  herself to a little boy who has done nothing to her. She felt terrible that she had put herelf in a position where he felt uneasy to take liberty with his own relative. She made him walk around in egg shells in his own house.