The Love I Have Hoped For

The Nightout

After I finish my work, I headed to the bar immediately to see Lance. And since it is still early, I need to look for a place where I can have my dinner first. I can't stop thinking what Annie told me this morning. Is it true? Does Lance already have a girlfriend? But why didn't he tell me?

I checked the Google map to see how I can get to the place. I need to take bus number 23 and transfer to bus number 4. I am not used to going to that place but since Lance invited me, and I also want to see him, I will do things I haven't done before to show my interest in him. Commuting is not that difficult for me. I always do that going to work and back home. I'm sure I won't be having a hard time with this one.

After getting on bus 23, I settled on a seat behind. I want to take a nap first since I am also a bit tired from work. Google map says it takes 30 minutes and 10 stops until I get to my destination and transfer to the next bus.

I was listening to the radio and tried to take a nap.

I was awakened by the loud voices from students who just got on the bus. When I checked my phone, 40 minutes has already passed and I am already 4 stops away from my original destination. I got up immediately and pressed the button to signal that I will alight in the next station. I think these are the things a person would do in the name of love. Instead of taking a rest and enjoying the comfort of home, I am here, tired and a bit lost just to see Lance. And Lance is not even my boyfriend, yet.

Stop doubting! I reminded myself. Lance won't hurt you. He is your childhood friend.

After getting off the bus, I transferred to the opposite bus stop to go back to my original destination. The only way I can go to the bar from this place is by taking a taxi and that would be too expensive.

It took me another hour to arrive to the bar.

As planned, I looked for a place where I can have dinner and take a rest while waiting for Lance's band performance. It will start at 9 pm and it is now 7:30 so I have an hour and a half to wait.

I settled for a fast food restaurant and bought burger and coke. I feel so tired but thinking that I will meet Lance makes me happy. I can't wait to see him tonight.

While eating, I cannot stop thinking about how desperate I seem for thinking having one date made me and him so close. Does he really like me romantically? Or did he just miss me so he is acting so sweet to me. What if he really has a girlfriend? I will ask all these questions tonight. I will make sure I get the answers before this night ends.

Before 9 pm, I got up from my seat and headed to the bar.

The bar was not so crowded. Men from tables looked at me as I enter the bar. Maybe it is not common for a woman to go to a bar alone.

I chose a table quite far from the stage. Actually, I feel uncomfortable. It is my first time to come to such a place on my own.

A waiter came to me and asked for my order. Since I have work tomorrow and I don't really drink alcohol, I ordered a glass of orange juice and some chips.

I was looking at my phone the whole time and waited for the band performance.

When the band members came out and started checking their instruments, I saw Lance checking the drums. I smiled automatically waiting for him to look in my direction. When he saw me, his face lightened and waved his hand to me. His band mates looked at my direction with expressionless face.

After a few minutes, the vocalist greeted everyone and they started playing.

I was enjoying the band and tried to sing along with them to some familiar songs. I kept staring at Lance most of the time and I realized more and more how cute he is. I still don't want to think that this guy can break my heart. I am willing to take chances with him.

After the first set, Lance came to my table. He gave me a gentle kiss on my cheeks.

"I miss you." He said.

"I miss you too," I replied.

"Do you want to order other drinks?" He asked.

"No. I'm okay with this one." I answered.

He held my hand and kissed it. He was staring at me which makes me blush. It feels really hot.

"Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Do you want me to stop?" He asked.

"No. I will get used to it. You will keep doing it for a long time, right?" I answered.

"Of course. As long as you want me to." Then he kissed me on the lips and put his other hand on my hips.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" Lance said.

I was taken aback by his question. I didn't know what to say.

"I have work tomorrow. I, uhmmm, I think I shouldn't stay up so late." I answered stuttering.

"Haha! Okay then. We can take things slowly if you want to." Lance said. And he kissed me again. "See you later sweetie. I have to go back to the stage." Then he left.
I don't know what I am feeling now. Isn't it too fast? How can he do such things? I am not even his girlfriend. What if he is just playing with me? Am I paranoid? Am I thinking too much? Should I allow him to stay in my place for the night or should I stay with him? Should I trust him? He is making me confused.