To Learn to Let Go | ✔

Chapter 11

Awaking the next morning I felt like I had been hit by a bus. I struggled to even shower and I groggily stepped out the front door, ignoring my parents and walking straight toward Trent's truck. Trent instantly looked concerned as I got in the truck.

"Gray, are you okay?"

"No. And I d-don't want to t-talk about it. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure." He let the conversation go, for now. I had a feeling he would be bringing this back up later though. But if it kept me from having to spill my darkest secret now, that was fine.

Trent drove me to school, mostly in silence. The radio played in the background and I just focused on the music. I didn't sing along with the songs, but I sang them to myself in my head, to keep other thoughts out. Trent kept glancing over at me while he drove, no doubt trying to figure out what was going on. I wouldn't look back at him, but I could feel his gaze on me throughout the drive. When we finally got to school, he had me wait in the car with him until Brayden arrived.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" He asked while we waited.

"Y-yeah," I muttered.

"Your stuttering is really bad this morning, it's like you took one step forward and then five hundred back, Gray. What's going on?"

"N-nothing!" I shouted. "There's B-Brayden, I have t-to go." Before he could stop me, I got out of the truck and walked up to Brayden. He looked at me concerned and then looked to Trent sitting in his truck.

"Hey Grayson, everything alright?"

"C-can you j-just walk me to class, p-please?" I asked. He nodded and we walked through the halls in silence. Brayden tensed up as he saw Kyle, Jacob, and Ian walking down the hall in our direction. They locked eyes with me, and I instantly froze. Brayden turned back and noticed I wasn't moving.

"Come on, I won't let them touch you." We both started walking again and Kyle and his friends got closer.

"Brayden Turner, Trent have you looking after the charity case now?" Kyle mocked as we got closer.

"Fuck off, Kyle," Brayden spat as we kept walking. Jacob and Ian got closer to me and I froze. "Back away from him. I'm not going to hit first but if you touch him, I will have no problem beating the shit out of all of you." Kyle and Brayden were standing face to face now, squaring up to one another. "And you know I can," he spat. Kyle's face hardened and he looked for a moment like he was about to hit Brayden, but then he backed away and we continued walking to class.

I spent the day in a familiar numbness. The thoughts racing through my head were too much to deal with. Adam would be staying in my house for a week. Suddenly possibly getting beat up by Kyle didn't sound so bad, I almost welcomed it, wished he would just put me out of my misery.

"Hello, earth to Grayson!" Nat's hand waving in front of my face broke me out of the trance I was in. We were at lunch; I was pushing food around my tray and Nat and Brayden were having an animated conversation about God knows what.

"W-what? I'm sorry."

"What's up with you today?" Nat asked. "You've been a total space cadet all morning," Nat look at me with concern.

"I just... got some bad news last night is all." I admitted.

"What happened?"

"N-nothing," I lied, stuttering around Nat for the first time possibly ever.

"It's definitely not nothing if it's got you this quiet. What happened?"

"I don't w-want to talk about it."

"Grayson, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know. I'm just n-not ready."

"This doesn't have anything to do with Trent, right?" Brayden asked.

"N-no. We're fine."

"Good. He came over last night, he was super upset but wouldn't talk about it. I thought maybe it was whatever you were upset about." I just shook my head and didn't say anymore. I knew Trent was upset about his dad, but if he didn't tell Brayden about it, it wasn't my place to say anything.

After school Trent picked me up like always, Brayden escorted me out of school, Kyle and his friends left me alone, and I felt the relief wash over me when I got to Trent's truck. This nightmare of a day was almost over.

"Hey," Trent smiled nervously. I couldn't help but blush at the thought that I was making him nervous.

"Hi," I gave a weak smile back. Trent frowned but didn't say anything else and started driving. We soon made it to my house and Trent followed me into the house. This time, instead of sitting in the living room I took Trent up to my room.

"Grayson, what's wrong?" He asked after we sat in silence on my bed for a few minutes. I tried to think up a good lie, something, anything but the truth. I knew that I looked so scared and depressed that he would never believe whatever lie I came up with. I racked my brain searching for a way to put the truth into words. I had never spoken about what happened to me before.

"I-I don't know how to s-say it," I admitted, close to tears. Trent's expression softened and he started to reach for my hand but then pulled it back fearing I would panic.

"Just try, I'm right here, and I will be no matter what."

"M-my parents f-friend A-Adam is coming n-next week," I said as a tear spilled from my eye. The weight was back on my chest and I began gasping for breaths.

"Gray, you're okay, I'm here. Take deep breaths with me okay? In," Trent took a deep breath in, "and out," he slowly let out the breath he just took. He repeated it until I followed along with him, my breaths shaky, almost like hiccups at first. But after a few minutes I was able to take smooth deep breaths. Before Trent could say anything else, and before I could think about what I was doing, I reached my hand out and interlaced our fingers. I continued taking deep breaths until I felt comfortable, even comforted, by the feeling of my hand in his. "Grayson, what did Adam do to you?"

"He... he r-raped me."