A Lost Love

Learning Experience:

The moment I went to open the door, Leo was already in front of me blocking the door. I didn't realize he had got there. He told me to sit down and take a deep breath. He waited until I was sitting down and opened the door. My younger siblings took off. Jen was at the door, and you could tell she was drunk. Leo told her she needed to go sit down and leave me alone. Then he closed the door in her face.
Leo and I got back to talking. He to!d me I could always talk to him.
"No matter what, I will always be willing to talk to you. I will protect you tol. The only time I won't is if I'm six feet in the ground. If you got scared and something is going on, I want you to run. I want you to run until I make it to you. Do you understand?"
"I got you. I will do it. I just can't believe you are actually telling me any of this."
" I want going I know you can count on me. "
"I hear you."
" I'm going to be here for you. I know everything is crazy. Yet, I'm going to find a way for you to know how serious I am. I truly do care about you. I have created a mess, but I know we will get through it. "
Leo and me were having a moment.
I didn't think he was serious. I soon learned. I learned when I got the letter from him. He told me about finding a goal and going for it. He told me about how our relationship was to him. He was telling me what I meant to him. He even told me There is always a right time to do what's right. At first I didn't understand parts of it.
My mom was able to explain it to me. I saw him after that. When I seen him, I was walking with my mom. He did a "Suite Life of Zack and Cody" wave and it made me laugh.
My mom said, "ewww."
She just kept saying about how he hurt me. We were both hurt in the situation. Yet, we kept trying. For a reason which is still mysterious to us, we still wanted to try. My brother Daquan saw him about three times. Daquan told me Leo had asked about me. I asked him what he told him. I knew how they were together. I just hoped he didn't make me sound like a hot mess.
Daquan said, "I told him you were fine."
I smiled at that. I knew he could have said more. Daquan and Leo still tell each other stuff. They keep it real. Even some of the stuff I tell him not to tell. Anyway, I still talk to him. I think it's good. This was back on November 22, 2014.
As the year went on and I was in Florida, I wrote him a message on Facebook messenger. I told him about everything which was going on in my life. I was glad I could tell him. I even wrote that I would keep him updated. When 2015 came, I wrote him a letter and I mailed it. I wrote that letter after my siblings bought up the incident of the year before.
It was still a sore spot for me. It took me some time, but I forgave everyone in the situation. I hoped the next time he and I spoke, we would just reflect on it all.
As the year went on I did reflect. I thought about everything in my romantic life. I thought about all the writing I did with him. I even watched a video about how when you go through a rough break up, it makes you retract and think about the first few love you had. It made me think.
When I was talking to Daquan one day, I found out there was actually a second letter. When Daquan found out I didn't get it, he was shocked. He told me Jen had given him one letter to give to me. He told me at the same time mom had told him to grab paper for the fireplace. He told me he might have given it to her to burn.
Heading that did make me sad. It made me sad because I knew I would never know what he had said. Before I had left Delaware, the other letter mysteriously disappeared. I was truly upset with myself. I couldn't figure out what I thought the letter was going to do for me. I guess I thought it would bring closure. I kept thinking maybe it would make my feelings for him go away.
After talking with Daquan I knew I was going to have to ask Jen. When I got the chance I messaged her on messenger. I asked her if she remembered the  letters he had wrote me. She told me he was writing them when he was high. She told me she was there when we wrote them.
She told me about one and the one she told me about I already had.I asked her about the second one.
On Monday February 8, 2016 at 8:21pm I got the answers I was looking for.
She answered,  "I remember it said that he was sorry for being an idiot and he messed up. He was telling you about how he was getting high and he loved you. Unless that was the first one. That's all I remember."
I was glad she was able to tell me that much. I knew at the time he wrote them, she was going through some trials.
The next day, February 9, 2016 I wrote a poem about him. I was hoping it would bring a real smile on my face. Here is the poem:
A Lover's Thoughts
By: Katrina Taylor
Daydreaming about those days already done.
Wondering when you will see me.
Watching time blow away.
Heading about the happiness old and new.
Taking a trip down memory lane.
Knowing just what to expect.
Recaping the events in order.
Noticing my memory slowly coming back.
Still thinking about that smile of yours.
Remembering the conversations never ending.
Listening to the song that made us connect.
Wanting to go down that road again.
Remembering just how much fun we had.
The days when you would be the protector.
Heavy on my mind these days.
Being glad to know you still prove me wrong.
Knowing how not to doubt the mighty great guy.
Moments of bliss through and through.
Always making me smile when I'm supposed to be mad at you.
Short days and long nights talking.
Going so fast, and holding right for the ride.
You may not be seen, but you're always remembered.
Trying to remember how much I shouldn't like you.
Yet, the actual mention of you blocks it.
The love from you will always be there.
One day you are here, the next you are gone.
Being willing to see that face again.
Still smiling because I know you love me.
            I even had some favorite poems I wrote about him. One of my favorites was called Unbelievable.
Unbelievable
By: Katrina Taylor
Reminiscing about the events which have happened.

I have been sitting here.
I keep thinking back to that Easter Day.
It was the first day I met you.
I liked you even then.
When you started hanging out there it made me like you even more.
I know it was getting weird when he told you about the massages.
As April passed I was getting used to you.
I got in trouble and even though I was upset, you made me feel better.
She blamed you then and I should of known.
Yet, I knew I took the rest before I met you.
There was nothing special about that night, except for us getting together.
I knew what I was doing when I asked.
From then on it was like I was in a dream.
I enjoyed being around you and spending time with you.
When you said, "I love you," I didn't have to think about it.
My reaction was immediate.
Three summers spent together.
I will never forget you.
We tried even though people around us were being racist and hateful.
Even this past summer I faked how I felt when he said he talked to you.
I didn't want to admit I was still sweet on you.
I will always be that way.
You were the realist boyfriend I had right down to my biggest secret.
Our connection as friends I won't forget either.
Now, I must say goodbye.
Goodbye my first and adventurous love.
                   Another one of my favorites was called Here's to You.
Here's to You
By: Katrina Taylor
It's a dedication to those who are always there.

It's a dream.
You are around.
I never worry too much.
You pop up a lot.
I don't need to say a word.
You can just make me laugh.
You are a bad boy.
I feel the rush.
Going fast on that four wheeler.
The memories of us.
Never again will I forget you.
I am happy to see you.
Even if it's not for me.
Wow you're awesome.
I am glad you still remember me.
Now I can say goodbye.
         During the time I was with him There were songs I wrote about him. For me he was my inspiration. His energy made me feel great. I felt happy knowing I had him in my life. The two songs which were my best and favorites were A Kiss From You and True Love. When I was writing them I thought about some of the moments we shared together.
         Both songs were written in the beginning of our relationship. I used to do the best on the stairs of my high school. I used to sing the song with my best friend Joshalyn. We would be doing it on the way to our first period. It was always fun singing with her. It was great and it wasn't a big thing. It was just something I came up with after this one night of hanging out with him.