A Lost Love

How Far We've Come:

I said, "did you go?"

He looked at me.

"What?"

" You did too good. Now I can't go to the bathroom. "

I laughed at him.

I honestly thought it was funny. I had never heard of that before. As we kept walking, we stopped to pick up his bike. When we got his bike, he couldn't get it to where he could steer it. After a few minutes, he gave up. He grabbed the bike and we got started back walking. While we were walking, we started talking about what's been going on in our lives. We were laughing and joking. We were actually enjoying ourselves. As we got closer to the house, we were getting even closer to the house, we were getting even closer beside each other. All of a sudden, Leo collapsed on the ground. I got scared. There wasn't anyone around. I knew in that moment what he told me was true.

It also meant he hadn't taken his medicine. I tried to help him up. When I was able to get him halfway on my shoulder, I tried to call his name. The moment I went to lean on his bike to take a breath, Leo talked. He said, "what happened?" " You collapsed and I was going to try to carry you back to the house. " "You can't do that. I would crush you." We laughed and we got his bike. We kept talking. When we were right across the street from the house, Leo was staring at me. "I wanted to ask you if you would be up for giving us another try." " I thought it would be up to you because of what happens when we are together. "

"Ultimately, it's up to you, because I know we are together and your smile shows a lot more." " I agree. Yes I will be with you. " We held hands and walked across the street. He leaned his bike on the tree, and we walked inside. My sister Briana said, "oooh, you're in trouble." I went to my mom's room, and sure enough, I was in trouble. She asked what I didn't understand about coming back on time, and what took me so long. I sat down on her bed, and I got nervous. I made a promise to Leo, I wouldn't say anything. My mom was angry and I could tell. I took a deep breath and I told her everything which just happened. She asked me why do I keep going back to him when he hurts me.

I told her there is something about our relationship which just makes me want more. She looked at me with understanding. When I left the room, my siblings were chatting, and Leo looked upset. I knew then, he found out I told my mom. When I went to talk to Leo, my mom was giving me a smile. I apologized to him and we talked for a good while.

There were times when Leo would come over and just hang out. He was even hanging out with our roommate Jennifer. When he told me he liked her it didn't come as a surprise. Our roommate Jennifer had been going over Leo's house a lot. I figured something would happen but Leo would always tell me he loved me. He would still hang out with my brother Daquan and me.

There were times when Leo would walk Jen home because she was high and drunk as I don't know what. There was this time when Leo had walked her back and they couldn't get in, so they came around to the window of me and my sisters room. My sister Jusitina let Jen in. Leo kept trying to get me to let him in. He was even trying to come in through the window. My sister and I were laughing. I even tried to help him. After a while I just have up.

We let him in through the front door. When I got up the next morning, my mom had called me in her room. Jen was literally asleep in the other room in the bed with both of my ex's. It was just something I wasn't expecting to see. I had to take a deep breath and leave the room. There were times when Leo would talk and I just couldn't fathom what was going on with us.

He would still sit at the dining room table and watch me clean the kitchen. I mean one minute we would be friends and the next we were trying to sneak and date. I knew that everything would be at risk for us again. I just couldn't fathom what made us want to keep trying. We were a mess apart and just crazy and thrived on each other's energy when we were an item. Our relationship was something I don't think even we understood. We just kept trying and even our friendship was on a deeper level.

There was one day Leo was over and he was outside with Jen and her ex husband. I heard something said I shouldn't have. I was wiping down the dining room table. I heard Jen ask Leo if he ask Leo if he was dating me. My head went straight up. I was nervous to hear his answers. Although his answer did being me comfort.

He said, "no, yet I love her and will do anything for her." His words stuck with me. I know it probably shouldn't have. There was this one day when Leo's cousin Donnie was over the house. He kept wanting us to take him to see Leonardo. It became a big thing. Jen and I ended up getting into it because she kept saying about me taking him. I wanted her to take him because I didn't want any trouble. I knew what would come of it.

Well, I did end up taking Donnie to see his cousin. She. We got up there, I kept wondering if I did the right thing. Well, we did see Leo. When we were going through the yard, he told me to stick close and to keep my head down. There were people who were looking at me strangely. When we got to the backyard, he asked me how come I was there. I told him about the situation with Donnie. He went and popped Donnie on the back of his head.

Donnie said, "I just wanted to hang out with you." I was laughing at Leo chasing him. We walked all the way around to where we were in the woods. While we were walking, he led us to where he was before we arrived. He was actually shooting at the cans he had on a old rusted trash can. When he was about to reload up the top of the trash can, he asked me to hold his gun. I was nervous but I held it the way he showed me. He even showed me how to shoot.

Once we came back to the front of the house, we began talking and joking around. As we were talking, he took out one of his pocket knives. He began throwing it at the tree. "I know this seems weird, but this is how I have fun and let off steam," he exclaimed. It honestly didn't bother me because I could relate with the fact I was always going on a walk to stay calm.

When I got back home, my mom got on me. I was prepared for it though. My mom mentioned about Mr. Lenny's thoughts. I understood. I knew Leo and I could never be together. It wasn't something I didn't know. Everyone wanted to bring it up when they felt like it. I knew it was just going to make me feel even worse. My mom kept telling me I had become obsessed.

I knew I had to get over him and my feelings. I found comfort in reading my Bible. It seemed school, church and my writing was the only thing keeping me sane. I pushed hard and even online dating apps. I did go on a few dates. If course I wasn't completely happy. I ended up choosing to be myself. I just did my hardest to push my thoughts of him out of my brain. It didn't work though.

When I would be sitting at home and I would open my teen Bible. I would see his name because he was the one who gave it to me. It would make me think back to all of my find memories with him. It made me think about this one time when he was playing his video game, and he was singing the song Kim. It's one of his favorite songs by Eminem.

I thought about the time when my sister had dumped her ice cream on me, and Leo took the one he had and dumped it on her. It made me laugh. It seemed like no matter how much farther I got in reading, it made me feel better knowing that even if Leo and I couldn't be together, I could always know we had sort of the same dealings of life. I knew that the good Lord had a plan. A plan which may only Leave Leo and me as friends. I can be satisfied with that. I knew the good Lord would watch over us.

With me starting to get over him and doing good, I was feeling good. There was a Saturday when Buddy and his wife Melissa came over. They had Leo with them. Right before Buddy and Leo came up to the door, Melissa came over to us. She told me she didn't know why he bought Leo with us. When she said it I knew why.

I just didn't want to say anything. Leo and I had been in with still. I knew it was better to keep my mouth shut. It seemed like every time someone knew it would just explode. Not being together was best even though it didn't make me feel happy. I just did what I could to not get lost in my thoughts for him or spending time with him.

When they were by the stairs, we were all laughing and talking. All of a sudden, Buddy looked at Leo and me. He said, "come on now, you two aren't going to hug?" I looked at him and looked at my mom. She didn't say anything. Leo looked at me. I walked down the steps and I gave him a hug. It was a side hug, but I squeezed tight. He held me together.