Given half a chance

Chapter 9

" Care to explain the reason behind this sudden visit . " I say while putting the key into the lock and turning it in , opening the door . She fidgets behind me awkwardly like she's contemplating whether she should stay or leave.

I hold the door open for her " Are you coming in ?" She looks at my hand holding the door open then her eyes travel up to me . They look a lot less confident now that she's standing at my doorsteps and I have the power to slam the door on her face.

" Do you really want me to come in ?" She asks as if it's my fault that she's here. I am as shocked by her presence here as she's shocked to see me here . But the latter doesn't even makes sense because it's my apartment . I live here. And she ended up here , at my doorsteps , expecting someone else to show up ? Not even a five years old will believe that.

" Then why are you here Anna ?" My voice sounds robotic. No emotions . No liveliness. Anna looks at her hands almost shyly. " Honestly , I don't know Sebastian. " Anna shrinks in herself. My chest tightens seeing her like this. She appears so small wrapped up in her knee length huge black coat and head bowed down , unsure and remorseful.

" Come in ." She doesn't look up . She walks in keeping her head down feeding my idea of her feeling remorseful . But what's the remorse for ? To show up at my door unannounced ?

I close the door and shrug out of my coat. " Wanna have something ?" She shakes her head " No . I just had my dinner . " of course she did .

She looks around my living room as I walk to the refrigerator and grab myself a bottle of juice. I am thirsty .

" You want juice ?" I raise the bottle yo her. For some reason she frowns. " I don't need anything. " She answers firmly.

" If you don't need anything " I turn my back to her reopening my freezer to put the bottle back in " then what are you here. " I close the door back .

" You were at Scarlett tonight. " My hand tightens around the handle of the refrigerator door. " Weren't you ?"

My heart picks up pace. She saw me . But I didn't notice her . I want to ask so many questions to her . But indeed of all the things that my curiosity begs to ask I end up asking " Is that why you are here ?"

" Why were you there Sebastian ?" She doesn't look mad . She doesn't look disappointment either.

I take a sip of my juice from my glass  pretty well aware that if Anna wouldn't be standing in my living room , it very well would have been whisky in my glass rather than some orange juice. " For the very same reason people go to bar. " I lied with a stoic face.

" Did you enjoy your drinks ?" She asked with a fake smile. I take another sip now regretting why it's not whisky or beer or anything with alcohol it. I need a large dose of something like alcohol if we are going to carry on with this.

" I did " I lied again.

" What did you have ?" She looks like she's having fun with our conversation , if I even call it one. " Why do you care ?" I lean against the kitchen counter , bending down and  placing my elbows on it and regarding her over the rim of my glass .

" I think you didn't hear me clearly. I asked why were you there Sebastian . If I would have saw you eating or drinking I would have known you went there for the same very reason people go to bars . But you didn't do either. "

" So , why were you there Sebastian ?" She asks again.  This time I have no way to walk around the question and divert it. And there's no way in world I'm telling why I was there.

" I went to check the place. " I push against the counter and hold myself up , finishing the rest of the drink in one go. I wash the glass in the sink and put the glass back on the cabinet. When I turn back , Anna is not standing in the middle of the living room anymore. She's leaning against the kitchen counter , resting the back of her hips against it  with her hands gripping it behind her back. She's looking at me intensely. I can't quite comprehend that look she's giving me.