What A Time| h.s. |

36. And I Ran

I have had two lessons with Amelia in the last week.

The first had been after my afternoon session with Jane who had been far too curious about whether I was going to forgive Kira and Harry or not. I guess that was what I deserved for trying to get the opinion of a child on adult matters...rated G version or not. So, when I stepped foot into the spacious dance studio owned by the New York City ballet, I was in a mood most foul. I didn't even take in the spectacular view of the city, the fact that I was standing where so many pioneers had stood before me, no...I was in a bad mood and the fact that I was going to have to dance for the first time in five years...let's just say that was not helping my mental space.

Amelia had been kind and bubbly as she had been at the gym. She'd shown resilience and patience with me as I complained about basically everything she was making me do. She'd just laughed and told me to suck it up and so...I did.

Surprisingly, everything was just sort of coming back to me. It was as if my muscles had a memory of their own and they were able to anticipate and move the way she wanted me to before my brain could catch up.

I'd perfectly landed double pirouettes by the end of the hour long class.

I was....dumbfounded.

Amelia was ecstatic. She'd bounced over with that red hair of hers and thrown her arms around me and the burn of a blush rose to my cheeks. She was adorable but I wasn't sure I was actually attracted to her. I think it was more that someone actually liked being around me that didn't feel obligated. Not that I thought Derek felt obligated but...it was nice to know I wasn't a complete loss.

That first night and day after, my ankle throbbed with an ache that kept me up most of the night and had me limping all throughout work. Holly had told me to sit on a stool behind the counter but I'd refused. Amelia had warned me that it would take some time and that my ankle was going to give me the most grief, so I was going to just deal with it.

The second lesson, well.....it ended with me in tears.

We'd actually had a really good session. I had picked up a lot more than either of us had expected, my barre work was a little sloppy and I needed to work on my technique but all of the mechanics were still there. Boxing had held up my strength and with a little work on my turn out, I was still able to lift my legs up high, still able to leap to the capabilities that I'd had prior to injuring myself. I had actually been pleasantly surprised with myself and deep down I was annoyed that I hadn't just come to terms with my injury sooner. Yes, it had actually all gone far better than I'd expected and then....the song came on.

We had just wrapped up our time together and Amelia was talking about her lack of plans for the weekend, my perfect in to ask her to the Vogue party the next day, when the song began.

It was somber, guitar strings plucking, and then his voice.

Even my phone misses your call by the way.

My heart seized up in my chest as Amelia continued to carry on about what she wanted for dinner but my attention was focused solely on the lyrics.

Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too.

Woke up the girl who looked just like you, I almost said your name.

That had been all it took to have me running from the room to the bathroom and begin sobbing until I couldn't catch my breath.

I hadn't been able to calm myself down. Everything he'd said in that song had hit me with a ton of bricks. He'd sounded exactly how Kira described. He'd sounded broken. It was clear the song had been written a while ago but the reference to Kira had me sick to my stomach. All of it was just...confusing....unsettling....painful.