What A Time| h.s. |

35. From the Dining Table

I'm still hopelessly in love with you.

That long haired boy is still waiting for you.

"Bullshit." I muttered to myself, flipping onto my side and staring at my phone, the face dark once again. My chest constricted and I had to take in a deep breath to keep myself from getting emotional.

I could not cry about this. I wouldn't, not anymore.

If I let myself cry again I don't think I could ever stop. This kind of pain was like a never ending drain that would greedily consume my tears and never want them to end. I needed to remain calm.

But there they were...those sneaky memories.

The scrunch of his nose. The strum of his guitar. His hair between my fingers. The smell of him on my skin. The way we'd danced in the studio. The way we'd lied together underneath the stars.

I'll never hurt you again Josie I swear it...cross my heart.

My throat clamped shut as tears began to pool in my eyes.

But he had...and he'd done more than hurt me...

He'd ripped apart my soul.

~~~~~

"So...how was your day?"

Derek's voice broke through the dead silence that had filled the apartment long after I'd come home after my shift. I'd been restless all day and completely unfocused. Holly didn't seem to mind but I did. I hated that this was all still effecting me so much.

"You know how my day was...just look at me." I pointed to my face halfheartedly and let my arm drop back down against the couch cushion. Derek had allowed me a decent amount of time to decompress once I'd walked through the entryway. He'd only eyed me warily from his spot on the couch, his fluffy robe wrapped tightly around his waist, as I'd dropped my purse and keys onto the kitchen counter and dragged myself over to him where I'd unceremoniously flopped down burying my head in my hands before falling backwards into the soft cushions.

"So I'm going to assume that talk with Kira yesterday went about as well as we'd expected." I nodded, my eyes glued to the television although I had no idea what I was watching.

"Yup." My mouth popped the last "p" and my eyes just zoned out, far too many things running through my mind.

"Give me the spark notes version?"

I took in a deep and audible breath before turning my eyes to Derek's brown ones. He was trying not to look eager for information but the slight tapping of his pinky finger against the arm of the couch gave him away.

"Well...she said that they ran into each other a year ago and then six months ago they met up and then basically opened up to each other about their shit and....you can guess the rest," Derek blanched, pretending to throw up or gag and I just nodded before continuing, "she said he still has feelings for me, in so many words. She also said they haven't slept together since the day we ran into each other in the park." Derek's eyes went wide at the last bit and looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

"Wow."

"Mhmm." I hummed and went back to staring at the television, the activity on the screen not really sticking with me. Derek seemed to think on the information I'd given him before he turned to face me fully.

"Well...I guess now would not be a good time to tell you that Vogue is having their party this weekend and Kira might be there?" My eyes snapped to his and just observed, no clear emotion on my face and Derek was obviously nervous by that.