Ashes

Understanding.

I don't know if I can trust him. He seems genuine, but I can feel that there is something lurking underneath his fake smiles. I realise that Jethro reminds me of me. I am happy for the sake of my friends, but they have no idea how numb I am inside. It's uncontrollable and comes at different times. When I found out about his death, they told me this feeling would go away, but it hasn't. Of course it has only been a few weeks, but I have seen teenagers my age who have lost parents going out and living life like they should. My Dad would've wanted me to celebrate his life, not mourn over the fact that he's gone. It isn't that easy though.
Jethro pulls up in the car park of Sainsbury's and turns off the engine.
"Get out" he mutters.
"Well aren't you rude..."
I hear him curse under his breath as he shuts his own door and looks at me over the car. The wind blows my hair into my face and my jacket flaps behind my back like a cape.
"You do know that there's a Subway just down the street. You don't have to buy from here" Jethro informs me but I already knew.
"I've lived here all my life. I know where everything is and I asked you to come here, because I have my reasons."
"Calm down will you...I was just saying"
I scowl at him as we walk to the entrance. He locks the car as we move away and my heart falls.
My Dad's car made that noise...Every car makes that noise. I think I've gone insane.
"Is there anything in particular that you want?" he asks, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Food." He rolls his eyes and pushes the glass door open with his shoulder. The smell of warm bread hits me in face and I immediately feel like some pastries.
"Okay, you get me a lemonade and I'm gonna go get some food stuff" I say, trying to sound as not rude as possible. If that makes sense.
"Yeah whatever" he shrugs and walks off, leaving me to think. And to buy food of course. I wonder through the aisles, thinking about Jet.
The way that no one knows he is hiding something but I do. The way his lip twitches when he wants to laugh. The only reason I know all this about him in the short space I've know him is because I'm the same. In some kind of way. I pick up a box of sausage rolls and a chocolate bar and make my way to the counter where you buy. We never arranged to meet there, but if has any sense he'll know.
I wait for five minutes, constantly telling the cashier that he's coming. Then she asks me something weird.
"Are you waiting for a boy with a lemonade bottle?"
My jaw drops.
"Um...yeah." She reaches under the counter and hands me a bottle of 7up.
"He told me to tell you that he had to go. No reason." I raise my eyebrow at her, suspicious of weird behaviour.
"Oh okay" I say, sliding a five pound note across to her. She gives me my food and I jog to the car park. I stretch on my toes an look across the rows of cars and his is gone.
I've decided.
I do not trust him.