Ashes

Drowning.

The water isn't beautiful. It isn't calming or a gorgeous sapphire that rolls under the night sky. The sheer blackness of the waves terrifies me even though it is just water.
'Water. That's it...How can I be scared of water?' I think to myself, running my fingers through the currents. The beach is desolate and eerie under the dull light of the polluted stars. I sigh and look up into the sky, wondering what I'd done to deserve so much pain in so little time. Ever since my Dad left us, my fears seem to follow me everywhere. Death. It's this shadow that lurks in my thoughts and makes me think twice before even climbing out of bed in the morning and I know I'm going crazy because I just keep imagining myself in these perfectly harmless situations. I always swim in the ocean. Always. I mean, when you grow up listening the undertones of the shore it's second nature to be drawn to the sea, but now I want nothing more than for it to just disappear or dissolve into the sand. It taunts me.
"Eugh! Why am I so pathetic?" I cry out in antagonism, hurtling a rock into the sea. I don't find the sound of its splash satisfying in the slightest. "You don't scare me."
Before I even know what I'm doing I start to walk into the waves, disregarding the fact that I'll probably freeze before I get the chance to start facing this embarrassing fear of dying. I will not drown.
"Come on Mon" I whisper, cracking my neck and walking further until I'm shoulder deep in the numbing water. "You're doing great." I take a deep breath and dunk my head, feeling my plait becoming loose immediately. I look around for any signs of light, but find myself surrounded by rolling shadows. I feel a wave come over me, pushing me downwards into the obscuring black. And then, I forget which way is up and which way is down. I can't see a thing. I start to kick my legs, panicking because I know I cannot hold my breath for very long. For all I know, I'm swimming deeper into the ocean. I start to scream silently, letting water into my throat. I scratch and pull at my clothes, trying to find the surface, but ai see nothing but terrifying shades of onyx clouding my vision. My body begins to go limp and I can't move in the cold. Freezing talons grip onto my skin, stinging my flesh and making my clothes heavy and unbearable. I lose consciousness within seconds and I fall deeper and deeper to a death I know I won't be able to escape.