Not Without You. (Ethan x Reader)

12 - When do I Get to Feel Right?

Why do I feel wrong?

I put shampoo in my hair, and massaged it into my scalp, and rinsed it out, beginning to cry.

Why don't I feel right?

I stepped out of my shower, with the water still running, and grabbed my phone. I took off my phone case and grabbed a blade from it.

When do I get to feel right?

I stepped back inside, and ripped into the flesh on my wrist. I felt as if I was melting with the blood that fell down, coating the bottom of the tub and the tops of my feet. I held myself and cried. I sat on the floor of the shower, and I cried for what felt like only a few seconds, but the water turning cold said a few minutes.

I stood up, and rinsed my body off, making sure I had no blood or soap left on me. I turned the water off, and stepped out. I dried myself off with a towel,  wrapped a bandage around my wrist, and put healing ointment on my cigarette burn. I slipped on my underwear, a bra, my dads shirt and a pair of shorts.

I stepped out of the bathroom and grabbed my earbuds from my room. I put on a pair of socks and some knee high boots. I grabbed Ethans orange hoodie, and Tyler's beanie, and slipped them on since I knew it was cold out, but I really didnt care, I just didnt want Ethan to yell at me to take care of myself. I grabbed the keys to the house, and walked outside.

The cold air hit me in my face and legs. I shivered but continued to walk forward. I saw I was getting looks. People looking at me with confusion laced on their faces, others looked towards my leg at the exposed burn, and some looked at me like I was just straight-up insane. I turned on music and put my earbuds in, and listened to Youth by Daughter.

I walked for a few more songs, until I was tapped on my shoulder. I took my earbuds out and turned around to be greeted by the friendly face I've been looking for.

"Hey." Ethan said. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I guess." I looked down. "Why are you here?"

"I went to your house to visit and Cori said you ran away." He told me, and I rolled my eyes. "I came to look for you."

"I didnt run away, if I were to run away, I would've packed a bag. I was just going for a walk, I've been cooped up in my room for days." My eyes started to tear up and my voice cracked. "And everything has just been so hard, and I just needed to get out and try to see you."

"Sh, sh, sh, sh..." He stepped forward and pulled me into a tight hug. "I know it's hard, I know it sucks."

"I just want him back." I cried into his shoulder.

"I'm sure." He whispered. "Do you want to come to my place?"

"Yes, please." I whimpered.

He walked me to his mom's car, and put me in the back seat, getting in behind me. His mom was in the drivers seat, and looked back to me.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" She asked me.

"I'm not sure, it's hurts, I know that... but I feel so sick all the time. I feel guilty for eating because I know he wont be able to eat ever again." I hugged my legs close to me in a attempt to warm them up. Ethan helped my aiming the heating in the car towards my legs.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. Are we taking you back home or do you want to come with us?" She looked back toward the road.

"She wants to come to our place, I think it would be good for her to get out too." Ethan told her, wrapping his arm around me.

Annie muttered an "ok," and began to drive. I felt awkward and I choked back tears for the entire ride.

Once we pulled into their garage, Ethan jumped out, and helped me out of the tall truck. We went into the door leading to the basement, and walked up the steps to the main floor.

"Mark! (Y/N) is here." Annie called for her husband.

"(Y/N)?" He repeated. He came jogging down the steps to meet us. He looked at me sympathetically before opening his arms. "Do you want a hug?"

"Yeah." I chuckled. "I do." I stepped forward and hugged him and he brought his hands to my shoulders. I moved my head so my face wasnt squished in his shoulder, and saw Ethan looking at me.

I felt my eyes water and I let go of all of my emotions, and cried in his dads arms not caring how awkward it was. "(Y/N)." Ethan muttered, and stepped forward, wrapping me and his dad in his arms. A few seconds later his mom joined, and I cried even harder.

*****

I sat on Ethans bed as I waited for him to come back upstairs with our dinner. His dad cooked up (favorite food) for me. I pulled my shirt collar down and looked at the cuts covering the top of my breasts. I sighed and leaned down on his bed, before flipping over and putting my face into his mattress.

"Does that smell good?" I heard Ethan ask behind a grin.

"No, it smells like ass actually." I joked and sat up. "I wasnt sniffing it intensely."

He chuckled and put one of the plates down on his nightstand next to me. He put the other on his desk next to the nightstand. "How are you doing?"

"I'll be better once I eat." I began to eat the food he set next to me. "Ethan, tell your dad hes a great cook."

"Thank you!" I heard Mark yell from the living room downstairs.

"Nevermind, I guess he heard." I laughed. Ethan smiled at the sound and began to eat his own food.

Word count: 1813

Sorry for not updating very often. My cat got very sick and I wanted to help care for him. Well, the diabetes did something to his legs and he was just in so much pain so... we put him down on the 4th of August. It sucked, since I knew him for my entire life, ever since I was 1 year and 3 months old to be exact. I'm turning 15 on the 17th so that's... yay? I was just really hoping for him to be there on my birthday, then my brothers birthday. Maybe even October 31st. But I guess not.