Dead Boy Walking

20 - R E A S O N

He shrugged.

We continued in silence and the roads I recognised so clearly felt like a curse now. These roads from my little village to the city was what allowed the communication between Easton's life and mine. It had tainted my village and the people who had come in contact with the elite.

I sighed. My thoughts sounded dramatic even to myself. Still, I couldn't help but hate those more fortunate than me. It was a burning envy that silently ate at my sanity. An uncontrollable sort of jealousy that I wished could be more easily ignored. So, I slept with it instead. I let it fester inside me until all I saw was red.

"What would you have done?" Charlie spoke up as we waited by a red light. "If the books weren't enough and I didn't make it through the window. If the fire had killed me, what would you have done?"

The question made my shoulders stiffen and eyebrows fly up. I hadn't thought about it, I didn't want to. I felt so helpless while staring up at that window, listening to Charlie's heavy breathing and praying he would be okay. What would I have done if he'd perished within the ruins of Easton's swimming pool?

"Nothing, I guess. I mean, what could I do? I wouldn't be able to go inside or call the police or anything. I'd just sit there and do nothing. Besides, you're my lift home."

He let out a laugh and it brought out a bite of frustration in me. It wasn't a joke, that's what I would've done. I tended to freeze when the situation called for me, his death would've been no different.

"Just remember that whatever happens in this world, happens for a reason," he said seriously.

We entered the village and cruised past the abundance of trees, gliding down the roads between the rolling mountains that made up our Lake Valley. Charlie's hands gripped the wheel tightly, his finger tapping an odd tune onto the leather.

"Sometimes things happen but it's not our fault, you know? If I died, that wouldn't have been your fault. Kingsley died, that's not your fault either. Neither was Felix."

He heaved out a deep sigh, buying time to think about his words.

"But why us?" I asked quietly. Unconsciously, my voice had taken on a vulnerable edge that caused Charlie to swerve the car slightly, switching lanes on the empty street. He turned the car, slowly driving along my neighbourhood.

"I'm not sure why Bambi. But, something good will come out of this. You've got to believe me when I say that."

He stopped in front of my house with a soft smile, the furrow between his brows lifted. I opened the door and stepped out, breathing in the air.

"I know something good is definitely on its way, it has to be," he continued.

I closed the car door behind me but watched him through the open window as his hazel eyes widened and an innocent excitement filled them. "The universe is piling up so much shit but after we get through this period, it's all smooth sailing from there."

"You think?" I threw him a lopsided smile.

"I know." He grinned right back. "I mean, why do you think we keep finding dead bodies? It's a sign. Anyway, I'll see you around, Quincy."

At that, he took off. I mumbled my goodbye and sighed.

I felt like shit, looked like it too. But, the cold night air, so fresh and relaxing, flew right past me. It ruffled my hair and filled my lungs with reassurance. I turned to my house with an uneasy smile. The lights were still on. Dad was awake.

I stepped inside and was enveloped with the sweet scent of his Yankee candles. Though Christmas had passed a while ago, the house still held a lot of the holiday decorations. We'd only managed to take down the tree so far, leaving the fairy lights and colourful tinsel remaining in the odd place or two.

I liked the way they looked around our house, it filled the gaps that my mother failed to occupy now.

"Quincy," Dad called with a sad smile. "Want a cuppa? Your Gran's gone to bingo so we can talk about your day, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever," he chuckled but it was forced. The lost look in his green eyes tipped me over the edge.

Dad wore his heart on his sleeve, something my mum appreciated very much. It made him easy to manipulate. Sometimes I'd catch myself stringing along his emotions, just as she had. I didn't try to, I'd never intentionally hurt him. But unfortunately, it seemed that my mind worked in the same ways that hers had. With Dad, it was easier for me to poke holes at his already weak resolve. Mum had practically made a blueprint on how to push his buttons long before I was even born and all I had to do was trace the picture she'd created. It was dead easy. But wrong.

"Let me shower first and I'll join you for that tea," I smiled half-heartedly. The excitement that pulled at his features was cruel.

I left before the dull sting could throb even more and made my way to my bedroom. When I saw Kingsley lying on my bed, I released a breath. The last time I had seen his ghost was when his face stared at me from the roaring fire earlier.

"You're stupid," he commented.

I didn't reply, deciding that I wasn't in the mood. Instead, I threw the folder at his feet and went to retrieve my pyjamas.

He crawled to the navy folder and went to open it. Before he could though, he tipped his gaze to me. "Are you going to open it?"

"Obviously," I scoffed.

But, I stopped his fingers as they reached for it once again. "Not yet, though. We still have time. I need to shower and then talk to my dad first. He's been in work and I've been busy. We haven't talked in a while."

Kingsley fell onto his back, letting his head fall from the edge of the bed.

"Where does your dad work?"

"He's a music teacher and when he's not teaching, he gives private lessons," I answered, busying myself by tidying the room. My room had always been pristine before Kingsley arrived and then he messed it up.

"Do you play any instruments?"

"Just the piano, I got bored of everything else."

His eyes flickered to the keyboard in the corner of my room. I hadn't played in a while, though. "You any good?"

"Yes," I replied and left the room, making a beeline to the bathroom. My head went into auto-pilot while turning on the shower and grabbing a towel from the airing cupboard.

The warmth of the shower reminded me of the fire and the bright light of red flashed passed my vision. I could see it in the corner of my eye and felt the smoke as it suffocated me in its cruel glory.

When I stepped inside the warmth, letting the water wash away my day, the sight of that blaze eating at anything that stood in its way chewed at my stony mind. I felt like crying but I couldn't will myself to. Instead, I stared at the shampoo bottle and the darkness manifested in my brain.

When had it gotten so dark? And, how hadn't I noticed sooner?