Dead Boy Walking

20 - R E A S O N

The air was thick and swirled with the smell of smoke as we fell into our seats within Charlie's car. It was that lingering scent of smoke that reminded us both of what had just occurred. Maybe it wasn't a big deal to the boys of Easton, they were known for having a rebellious streak, but to me, it meant everything.

While trapped within the walls of the changing rooms, I thought, for sure, that I was over with. Red's words rang through my ears. Maybe I should have left sooner, I should have known better. His words stung but I'd never admit it. I knew he didn't say them out of malice, that was just the way Easton boys were. They'd say it how it is because, in their world, there would be no repercussions. No one would dare question a rich, white boy. There'd surely be no point. Besides, even if you did dare your chance in the face of such danger, they had mountains of money to fall back on. There were no true threats to such a perfect life.

I should have stayed out of their way or at least stayed with Francis. Thinking about Francis, that would probably be the last time I'd see him for a while. It had always been like that between Easton boys and me. We crossed paths during a party or two, I'd dance through their minds and cling to their thoughts before leaving as the night drew to morning. Then, I'd remain an alluring mystery while they entertained me for a bit. However, now that relationship I'd held so firmly was corrupted. I'd gotten too close to the treasure and now everything had changed.

I had changed.

A fire truck rushed past us on the road and I unconsciously pushed myself further back into the seat while a raw sort of guilt gnawed at my heart. If I'd known they intended to burn a part of the school, would I have still joined? I didn't understand why all of a sudden I'd turned into some saint. Before Kingsley, I probably would have jumped at the chance to burn Easton. I would've destroyed the school and its students within a heartbeat before Kingsley. Now, it was different. Now, Easton felt far too personal.

I felt connected.

Still, it was lucky I went. Even if it meant almost dying, at least I managed to retrieve the folder that I held so closely to my chest. I wasn't sure what was inside and the curiosity was making my head spin. I wouldn't open it in front of Charlie though, it felt too private for that. I was surprised he didn't ask what the folder was for. Maybe he didn't care.

"I-uhh...I'm sorry you had to watch me punch him," Charlie began. His voice was quiet and hesitant as if testing the waters with me. When I didn't reply he continued with a slight smirk. "I'm not, however, sorry for punching the kid. Arsehole deserved it."

I ran my fingers through the knotted mess that my hair had become. Glistening from pool water and sticky with sweat, I felt disgusting.

"Sorry that you almost burned tonight" I apologised. And I meant it too. No matter how much I told my head to shut up, the possibilities of what could have happened tonight barrelled from one side of my mind to the other. It pressed down on my chest like bricks and I hated it.