[DISCONTINUED] No Longer With You | Finnick Odair

6- her

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FINNICK'S POV
- District Thirteen -

I didn't want to wake up but unfortunately my wishes weren't granted. Instead I find my eyes fluttering open and revealing a hospital room.

This room has a low yellowish glow, probably to prevent blinding me with painful white light. Machines are situated on both sides of my hospital bed as well as a drip attached to my arm. It's relatively quiet.

Untangling myself from the sheets I notice the bandage around my arm where my tracker was and a bandage around my thigh. There's a slight aching in my bones but it's nothing compared to the emotional pain.

Suddenly a nurse comes in with a gentle smile on her face.

"Good to see you're awake, Finnick Odair," she says. "I'm just going to check your wounds. Is that okay?" I nod without a word.

She unwinds both bandages, cleans the wounds and rewraps them relatively quickly. She then places a tray beside my bed consisting of juice and pieces of fruit before leaving. I look around the room before my eyes land on something incredibly familiar.

On the bedside table, next to the food I don't intend to eat, is the line of rope.

I freeze, carefully inspecting the material as my heart rate speeds up. All the memories and pain come flooding back. Upon seeing it a strong wave of emotion pushes me under.

The sobs take hold of my body as they did in the hovercraft. This time I have more tears than before. The pain has come back for round 2 just to make me break again and remind me of how I didn't do enough to save her.

I shouldn't have let her leave me at the tree, I should've pushed for her to stay despite the plan that Beetee had. Maybe then she wouldn't have gotten injured and then maybe we could've not been separated after the explosion. She is somewhere in the Capitol— dead or alive— because I didn't do enough. I was so sucked into the plan that I did nothing to protect her.

I was so incredibly lucky to have saved her form Enobaria in the nick of time. But I didn't do enough to save her afterwards and now I don't know if she's still breathing or if her body has been disposed of. I am to live with my mistakes for losing her because even if she is alive the Capitol will probably kill her anyway.

I tighten my rope that's now in my hands, sniffling loudly. Squeezing my eyes doesn't stop the flow of tears, rather it forces them out and onto my already wet cheeks. My body is stiff as I hunch over the side of the bed.

"Finnick," a stern voice says: Katniss.

I already know what she's silently asking me as I tie another knot, my hands shaking slightly.

"I wanted to go back for Peeta, Johanna and Aria..." my voice shakes, trailing off when saying her name. "But I-I couldn't move."

I tie countless more knots to lessen my grief but it does nothing to ease the hurt. Usually the rope would work wonders when I'm distressed but all it reminds me of is Aria.

"A-Aria is in the Capitol. I-I don't even k-know if she's alive." My tears suddenly stop and my face pulls on a blank exterior. "I hope she's dead. I wish they were all dead and we were too."

My eyes float up to Katniss' where I expect to see an unemotional expression but I'm taken aback. A tear glides down her face which prompts my own tears to take hold again. She looks incredibly affected by the news of Aria being in the Capitol although Haymitch mentioned it on the hovercraft. I can see the sadness in her eyes even though they are usually hard and don't show much emotion. She's thinking about Peeta and she can relate to the agony of not knowing if he's alive or not.

Katniss and I share the same pain and that is the exact thing that'll bring us closer together. I knew she didn't trust me in the games but now things are changing.

She begins approaching me with more tears trickling down her cheeks. Pushing myself into a standing position we engulf each other in a hug, yearning for support and for someone to understand what we're going through.

I would never in a million years think that Katniss would even want to remotely shake hands with me, let alone a hug, but I guess pain sometimes brings people together. This embrace is the definition of meaningful.

We sob in one another's arms releasing the guilt, grief and all the emotions that shatter us on the inside. We're both broken victors in our own right. We blame ourselves for the loss of someone we love and there is nothing we can do to make up for it, Katniss and I both know that.

It reminds me of Aria and how we held onto each other for dear life, both of us being lifelines and safety nets to catch one another when we'd fall. Knowing that I may never get to hold her close breaks me down further.

My whole identity is crumbling and I can't even do anything about it. No glue could piece my heart back together. Nothing will be able to fill my empty soul unless it was Aria, she's the only one who could put me back together. But she's the only one I don't have anymore because she's probably dead.

She's probably gone for good.

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A/N

HI!

Yes I'm alive and well and I hope you guys are too!

Decided to update with this chapter although it's short. I had no idea what to write lmao🤷‍♀️

Cheers x