Sinful Discovery

039

He gulps, "I had to clear my head. I'm sorry."

"Are you okay?" I ask, my voice scratchy despite all the clearing I tried to do.

He shakes his head negative.

I frown, "what's wrong? I-is it me?"

"C-can you do this in public?" He asks instead, eyes still stuck on mine over his. "I mean, with people around?"

I look at my hand over his and I take it back. "Sky-"

"How are things with Darcy?" He cuts me off.

I nod, my head feeling heavy with all the racing thoughts. "Fine for now."

"Good, I'm happy for you."

"Sky, I'm sorry."

He turns to look at me and I notice his cat eyes are glassy. "For what?"

I get stuck. I just look at him forgetting everything I wanted to say. His eyes...

"For not being able to be with me or for being with me?" Tears pool in his eyes and I feel the world beneath me falling apart.

"Sky-"

"Don't apologize," he looks away, using the sleeve of his jacket to wipe his eyes. "I know."

We stay silent and I finally recognize the mood around. I read the words on the sea and I know everything is not going back to the way it was.

"I knew it and yet I jumped right in. I thought I could do it you know and for a while I could but then whatever it is— body chemicals, my heart, hormones — fucked it all up by falling in love." He reaches for my hand although he doesn't look at me and he play with my fingers. "You're amazing Israel, the best thing that has happened to me in a really long time. Every moment with you, both the bright and dark, is completely cherished by me. I got super lucky getting to know someone like you and I'd never regret it and I'd never have chosen a different path."

Something is pulling at my heart and scratching on it with long painful sharp fingers. It hurt... It hurt so bad and my vision is getting blurry.

Sky laughs humorlessly, "we aren't even together and yet this has to be one of the most painful break ups in history."

"Sky-" my cheek got wet, voice breaking and that's how I find out I'm crying.

He turned to me and he isn't crying but the rims of his eyes are bloodshot red. He smiles and reaches out with his palm to wipe my tears. "Don't cry, if your plan is to get ugly. You're failing."

I start shaking my head, "I don't-"

"Shh," he stops me with a finger on my lips. "I have to go, please don't tell me to stay. Let me be the bad guy."

No.

He looks away back to the ocean, back to my fingers. "There's something I didn't tell you, I was going to eventually but I guess the timing never came or I was just too scared too." Pause. "When I said I was supposed to die instead of Charlotte, I literally meant it."

"W-wha... How?"

"I was born with a brain tumor," he says and the wind stills. "I got surgery at two and another one at 15. That's why I was homeschooled all those years, my dad was too scared to let me out of his sight. I got better but now it's back and I need surgery again. I've been getting all these headaches and nosebleeds."

Jesus. I am dumbfounded.

"My mum reached out and in a week, I'm going back with her. I don't think I'm coming back, Issy."