The tips of my fingers wet with reminiscent visuals of my beginning remind me of two hands digging into the soil of the earth to find the essence of my birth the process of how I found me starts here in the 90s
before you could see or hear just about anything headlining my pain on a grand scale for the world to see I and many like me would say they did battle alone here
in the jungle made of concrete tenement buildings ones we know all to well on these Bronx streets you See I was the product of a life gone a stray
Born to a mother riddled with addiction trying to mask her pain only adding to her hurt and struggle when she held me realizing I was just something else to worry about
but as children do I looked to my mother and saw love
and as love should be when it is pure I saw a smile rotted with the evidence of her self medicating technique a face that would grind when actively in use of said street pharmaceuticals and yet she resembled a queen as a mother should
some say I found me in the aftermath of my start passed the beatings of motivation
long passed the knocks at the door with men who held guns looking for debts to be paid
you see this was the the yellow brick road to your escape and yet I often times paid the cost for your
Mistakes
pools of my own blood sat as reminders for me to think smart
this was the blue print of what many knew me to be this old soul I would hear so many times in comparison
if only they knew how fast a child had to grow to survive the lessons I was presented with others would argue I found me in the poetic verses that serves as my escape the songs written in the late night hours songs I would use to reach other individuals who were in need of the release but
I am human and as humans do I've made mistakes of my own some that cost me the very loves I was searching for
hearts had been held by me in confidence only to be broken by my insecurities and yet my nature was never to do harm but none the less harm was done and the result was as you would anticipate a loss at the very least
so work became my new escape
long hours for very little that's the motto of New York State but it served as it's own distraction so who was I to complain I did these things and became content with that being life
doing just enough making just enough until something happened something that would take me back to a familiar place you see despite what others believe
I found me when I made you
yes it's very much a fact that April 24th 2014 was the day you and I both were born
you for first time and me metaphorically for a second time
and I knew instantly that everything done to me both the good and Ill Will was intended for me to love you better
and love as it should when it's pure
I loved you
all 2 pounds and 8 ounces small Enough to clutch in my hand and I saw my entire life in that moment
an abundance of purpose wrapped around me and it was clear that being a father to you was exactly what you needed and directly what I had been created for
I found while raising you and as you grew
I do too grow
I grow in love with you I grow in my efforts to provide for you
I grow in my ambitions so that you are presented with security and moments you don't have to forget to remember
I grow in life with you and I'm so grateful that you allow me to do that
I've known love from a broken queen and without my own father I had to learn to become a man worthy to be seen as a king
and as you grow my princess I hope you feel I've done my part in making you a solid queen but have no doubts I'll be here for the entire thing because I've found me just in time to make sure you can find you
because that's the way it should be when love and life experiences are used in the proper context.
