Samantha
My birthday is approaching. Hindi ko alam if dapat ba ako matuwa or mainis. Of course, bida na naman ang nanay ko. She wants a party. A big one. Gusto niya pagsabayin ang birthday ko at ang birthday ni henry. We are both December babies kasi. Pero parang ayoko isabay niya yon.
Hindi ko naman siya mapipigilan sa gusto niya mangyari. "Wag nalang kaya ako pumunta sa nyemas na party na yan?" I ask ash.
Nakatambay lang kami dito sa dorm. Wala na rin kasi kami masyado ginagawa dahil patapos na ang term at malapit na christmas holidays. We are graduating too next year!
She sighs, "Mas lalo ka mag-mukhang talunan niyan if hindi ka pumunta. I mean, make that man drool and regret na until now hindi parin siya nakikipaghiwalay kay tita elen. What's-"
"Time. He said to give us time and trust him. I love him, ash. Deeply. That's my strength to trust him kahit na hindi ko na talaga alam saan papunta to at ano ba talaga kasi yung mga dapat niya gawin." I cut her and sigh. "But it gets harder every day, ash."
She shakes her head. "I don't get that guy too. Bakit hindi niya ba kayang sabihin sayo? Nakakainis na e! Anyways, i already called my designer last week to also prepare a gown for you. You should wear red para bongga! Ikaw dapat mag-stand out don."
She has a point. I sigh. "I knew you will do that."
My phone suddenly vibrates. It's my so-called mother. Of course, ang secretary niya ang nag-text. As always.
From: Mom
Good afternoon, Ms. Ling. This is Lane. Your mother needs you here in her office this instant. She will discuss something with you about the party.
Thank you!
Lane
Hindi ba pwedeng sa bahay nalang pag-uwi ko bukas?
Nakibasa lang si ash ng text, "Did she forget what happened? I mean, isa parin siya sa main reason kung bakit ka nahulog sa hagdan. Let me reply!"
Inagaw niya ang phone ko at nag-start siya magtype.
To: Mom
I'll be going home tomorrow, let's discuss it at home. Thanks.
"Ayan, cold but sweet."
Gaga talaga. She clicks send. Oh well, Its okay lang din for me. Wala na rin ako talaga pakielam na sa kaniya. She raised me, yes, pero dahil gusto niya lang magpakitang gilas kay dad. After dad died? She treated me like a robot she can control. Like a machine, na pag naghulog ka ng coins, gagalaw na. Akala niya everything is well because she gave me too much money. But, a mother? She never became one.
--
Kanina pa ako nagiisip if bababa na ba ko. I'm sure nandoon na sila, even her designers and kung sino pa na mag-organize ng party. It's 9am, pero ayoko bumangon. I feel tired kahit kakagising ko palang.
Its been a week simula nung na-ospital ako. I miss him. Pero parang ayoko rin siya makita, especially nandiyan din ang nanay ko. I sigh. I should go down. I should.
Pero nagulat ako sa bumungad sa akin pagbukas ko ng pinto. Isasara ko sana ulit pero hinila niya yon.
"She's downstairs. She told me to-."
"I don't care." Mas malamig pa sa yelo ang tono ko. Hindi ko masara ang pinto dahil hawak niya yon. "Ano pa bang gusto mo, henry?" I ask again. Naiirita na ko.
Then he let go looking defeated, "She's awake, elen." He shouts going down the stairs.
Dapat ko rin i-remind ang sarili ko na sila pa nga pala. I don't know what to do. Iniisip ko na manatiling galit sakaniya kasi baka naman sakali masabi niya na sa akin lahat. I'm really scared of this love. It feels like im losing here. Parang may mali. Nagiging bobo na ata talaga ako.
