Samantha
Kanina ko pa tinitignan yung nakasampay na itim na jacket sa kabinet ko. Ganun lang ba talaga kadali magbago ang lahat? In just a span of six freaking months? He said he will still be here when i get back, ano bang ibig sabihin noon?
And why am i still holding on to it, anyway? Stop being pathetic Sam!
Sinara ko agad ung wooden cabinet paglabas ni ashley sa CR. "Ang tagal mo talaga maligo." Reklamo ko.
She raises an eyebrow at me. "Tch! Alam ko naman na tinitignan mo ang jacket niya! Hindi magiging siya yan kahit gaano katagal mo tignan!" Bawi niya, umupo ito sa study table niya habang pinupusan ung basa niyang buhok.
I roll my eyes. "Alam ko. I never saw my scarf again after that day, I mean, on him. He never returned it too. Pero parang ayoko na din naman yun kunin." I say bago pumasok ng CR.
Will it be different if hindi ako umalis? Why am i even thinking about this?!
Since i got back, hindi pa ako ulit bumalik kay Dr. Chu. She must be really proud of me. Puro aral at catching up with Ashley ang ginawa ko. I tried to forget about him, but yeah, I failed obviously.
I don't know what to do anymore. Okay lang sana kung si Dr. Chu ung dinedate niya, pero nanay ko! And i get to see him on some days and some weekends, i can't even avoid him! Bakit ako napunta sa ganitong sitwasyon? I don't remember anymore how i started being this... Into him!
Hindi ko na nga sinabi sakaniya kung kailan ako umalis, hindi ko alam if kanino niya nalaman na nakaalis na ako. I wanted to move on, kaya hindi ko na sinabi sakaniya.
Huminga ako ng malalim. It's a good thing sa dorm lang ako nag-stay pag weekdays, pero pag weekends i need to go home to do some work for the company. And he's really going there most of the time for the monthly check ups. I hate myself. I should just focus on graduating, right? I am turning 21 this december, and our graduation is scheduled on the 2nd week of april.
I should focus on what's important.
"Kakainin mo ba yang pasta?" Ash asks me.
Nasa cafeteria na kami, its our lunch break.
Hindi ko ba siya ginalaw? "Oh, yeah. Sorry." I start eating.
"Are you okay, Sam? What's bothering you? Yung Doctor mo?"
Inabutan ako agad ng tubig ni Ash dahil nasamid ako. Myghad!
"Tama, tama, siya na naman iniisip mo. Hindi nakatulong talaga yung pagpunta mo ng New york. You're still into him! What are you gonna do?"
I just look outside avoiding her judgy eyes. "I... I don't know, alright? I mean, its been years. This is not a fleeting feeling anymore, and hindi ko na din alam if kailan nagsimula na-"
She sighs, "Dinedate niya ang nanay mo. Atsaka pareho silang old enough to be serious on this! Sam, you have to get yourself together and start to accept that. I don't want you to lose here."
She has a point, pero hindi naman yun ganun kadali. "It's not that easy, Ash. Ikaw na rin nagsabi na since i was 10, I've been crushing him. At hanggang ngayon nandito parin ung pakiramdam na yon. Don't you understand? Ash-"
"I understand, Sam. I really do! Its just you were too young that time! And its different now. Ayoko matalo ka sa gusto mong ilaban, tapos masaktan din sa huli."
I sigh deeply. "Ash if you understand how much i love him for how many years you won't say these things!"
Her mouth opens as if she's really shocked. Napalakas ata ung boses ko dahil napatingin sa amin ang mga estudyante dito sa cafeteria.
"What?" She asks.
"What?" Binalik ko sakaniya yung tanong nang parang wala sa sarili.
Oh, wait! Did i just?! Oh ghad! Agad ako tumayo at lumabas ng cafeteria, mabilis din ang lakad ko. Of course sinundan ako ni Ash.
