"No! No, I didn't mean to, you dick! Why are you acting like this?!" Jotaro's eyebrows were knitted together, and his body was otherwise stiff, frozen in the same position it'd been when he stopped running.
"Do you...remember what you said?" Kakyoin whimpered.
"...I didn't know, if I'd known, I swear I never would've—"
"Polnareff's always getting into trouble...and you'd make sure he wouldn't die. But what about me?"
"It was just a joke, it—"
"You told me that after all this, we'd still be friends...we'd go to school together. Because so many near-death experiences are bound to bring people closer, right? What happened to that? Was death all it took for you to get rid of me, Jojo? Are you secretly relieved...that you don't have to be seen with a loser like me?"
"N-No! What are you even saying—"
"I will never leave you...are you going to leave me?"
"No! No, I'm not going to leave you, never again," Jotaro replied hastily.
"Again...heh...look at this. Another chance...you could be with me forever."
"Forever?" Jotaro repeated. He wasn't crying...but hot tears were spilling over his cheeks.
"You don't need to go home. I'll be your new home," Kakyoin murmured.
"I-I want to go home." Jotaro sniffed, his words surprising him. It was true, though. He really just wanted to take Kakyoin with him and see his mother again, smiling at home like any other day. As much as he hated to admit it, he'd been crazy with worry for her, somewhere, deep down. He just couldn't let those feelings bubble to the surface, not if he wanted to save her and keep his friends alive while he did it. There wasn't any room for him to panic. God, was there even room for him to have feelings? He was only a teenager, and here he was being forced to shove everything down his throat just to keep from losing the people he loved. It was like he was simultaneously losing and finding everything he needed—he'd wanted to get to know Kakyoin, to be closer to him, but it wouldn't mean shit if he let him die. It all weighed down so heavily on him, and the only times he got a second to cope was in the damn shower.
But he was strong. He could handle it. He'd just hoped he could last until he made it home to his mother and the safety of his bedroom, but the safety of DIO's death was enough to make him fall apart at the seams. His feelings had been held together by masking tape, and the moment he felt any sense of relaxation, everything came crashing down. He was crying, Jotaro Kujo was crying—in front of another boy, no less.
"Jotaro...please...come with me," Kakyoin begged. His eyes were big and shiny, a dull shade of lavender. They'd been so bright before, sparkling with energy and passion. Now they were the eyes of a corpse.
"I'll go with you...anywhere," Jotaro whispered without really thinking.
"You promise?" Kakyoin reached a hand out to Jotaro, but he was standing just a few inches too far away to touch him.
"Good grief, Kakyoin, yes, sure. I promise. Tell me what you need, fuck, tell me how to help you." Jotaro felt overwhelmingly dizzy as he stepped toward him. Kakyoin took a step backward in response.
"Do you trust me?" Kakyoin asked softly, tilting his head slightly to the right.
"Yes?" Jotaro frowned.
"Close your eyes...step back."
"Back? Into the street...?"
"No, just three steps back. I'll be right there beside you, Jotaro."
"I don't understand..."
"You said you trusted me...did you lie to me?" Kakyoin looked devastated at the thought.
"No! No, Jesus Kakyoin you're just—acting strange."
"Don't you care about me?" Kakyoin cried out, his throat catching again and causing another trail of blood to trickle down his chin. "I'm running out of time, Jotaro, please, please just do it, hurry—"
"Okay, okay! Just hush already," Jotaro sighed, wiping the tears from his own face. Slowly, he took a step backward, then another. He could hear cars rushing by, but couldn't quite tell how close they were, or even where exactly they were.
"Jotaro?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you." Kakyoin grinned, baring white teeth tainted with dark red. Jotaro took that last step, and then he was falling.
How had that even happened?
Three steps out from where he'd stood the alley...he wouldn't even be on the street yet. But there'd been nothing beneath him, and he lost his footing. He looked up into the night sky—hardly any stars...the darkness was dominated by the brightness of the moon, light radiating from it in waves dispersing in splotches into the dark grey clouds. Jotaro's body twisted midair, and he clawed out for anything he could possibly get his hands on to somehow put an end to his descent. Nothing but cold air. It bit at his exposed skin the further he fell, and in all honesty, it felt like an eternity, wind whistling in his ears as it rushed past his body.
"Kakyoin?" he called out in his fret.
"I'm right here," his voice whispered into his ear. Jotaro's head turned to the side in surprise, and there was Kakyoin, falling through the moonlit shadows with him. "Don't forget me. Don't let me go, Jotaro, don't move on. I'm right next to you. I'm right here. Don't fight...you've fought so much already...if you just give up, we can be together forever."
Why would being with him require giving up? Why would he want to fight that?
Jotaro's back hit cold water, and he gasped in shock, receiving no opportunity to hold his breath. His clothes felt impossibly heavy in the water, and he felt himself inhale the freezing liquid. It burnt violently, and a crushing pressure developed in his lungs.
Kakyoin. Kakyoin, where did you go? Come back, come back, I'm drowning—
I'm right next to you. I'm right here. Don't fight...
No, no, no. He wasn't ready to die, he wasn't ready to lose Kakyoin, Iggy, Avdol. He wasn't ready to grow up, he wasn't ready, he wasn't ready.
Kakyoin. I love you too.
Help me, help me.
Jotaro woke up in tears.
Maybe drowning would've hurt less than the guilt weighing down on his heart. It was all so plainly unfair.
"It's okay to let go, Jotaro...just not of me." Kakyoin's voice was sweet, a familiar sound resonating with comfort, but his words struck terror deep inside of Jotaro. He was lying in the bed beside him, insides soaking into the mattress and blood blooming like dark cherry blossoms against the white sheets. He reached over to touch Jotaro's face with his hands, which were a perfect red match to his earrings.
"Please. Please leave me alone." Jotaro choked back a sob, squeezing his eyes shut as if that'd somehow make all of this go away.
"But we promised forever, didn't we?"
Forever
Zacznij od początku
