Break In My Heart

15. Empathy & Identity

"Hey, slowpoke. I was worried I'd have to put out a missing person report," Kyra joked as I jogged down the hallway toward her.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Practice ran a bit long and I had to shower and stuff. But I'm here now," I said once I'd caught up to her, and it wasn't a complete lie. Had practice run long? Yes by like two minutes. Had I spent extra time in the shower? Yes because after all the boys had left, Tyler pulled me in and our lips continued to get to know each other and our hands were becoming familiar with one another's body.

But we both were fully clothed, and I still didn't know if I hated that or not.

"It's okay," she shrugged as we started making our way to the door. "I'm just glad that you agreed to do this. I'm just so used to going home with you that it feels wrong not to, you know?"

"Yeah," was all I could say. I had to admit, I missed the little things Kyra and I used to do whenever we saw each other and I definitely missed the taste of her various chapsticks when we kissed, but at the same time, I didn't know if I wanted it back. At least not yet.

Feelings are complicated, especially where Tyler's involved.

Our journey to the subway and onto the train was painstakingly silent and awkward. My phone vibrated in my pocket and showed a text from Tyler. I had to fight the grin that instantly tugged at the edge of my lips at bay.

Tyler [17:02]: hey, just wanted 2 check on u and make sure u made it home safely

Even the small things like that made my insides melt and my body yearn to be in his arms once more.

Me [17:03]: not yet. Taking Ky home per her request. I'll lyk when I get home. Thnx 4 checking tho :)

"Who are you texting?" Kyra asked, her tone curious, letting me know that she genuinely hadn't seen who I was texting.

"The boys. We were just talking about practice today," I easily lied as I slid my phone into my pocket. It made a part of me feel weird that I was getting so easy to lie to the person I once thought I'd spend the rest of my life with.

"Oh," she said.

"So, uh, how's your mom?" I asked, trying to change the topic.

She shrugged as she looked at the various graphics and ads that lined the top of the subway car. "She's doing ok. She's still not eating a bunch and I still hear her crying in the shower, but other than that, she's getting better. She's talking to me, I even got her to laugh for a split second. But once she realized it, she stopped as if she were doing something wrong. I try to distract her in every way I can: watching TV, cooking, whatever. I'm trying to create some normalcy."

"And your dad..?"

She scoffed. "I don't know and I don't care. I've blocked him on everything, even my school email because he tried emailing me on it this morning. I just still can't believe..." she trailed before she shook her head. "I don't care that he's gay or whatever, I just wish he hadn't hurt my mom in the process, you know? She's amazing and kind and funny and doesn't deserve this at all. She doesn't deserve to have the man she fell in love with fall in love with someone else. It's just not fair."

I wrapped an arm around her in a side hug. "I know it sucks, Ky. But you will get through it, both of you. I know it's easier said than done, but just keep fighting. You've got to have each other's backs because right now, you're all each other has."

She wrapped her arms around me, turning the side hug into a full-blown hug. She buried her face in my chest and held me tight. "Thanks, Addi. I can't talk to anyone the way I can talk to you. Thank you."