𝐃𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞 † 𝐟.𝐠

fifteen

༻•••༺

Frank had realized that busying himself with things that he found interesting helped subdue his emotions and the shameful cravings from his heat. He was much more familiar with himself and how he worked due to Gerard and Violetta's extensive research on his behavior. The only thing that he'd purposely failed to bring up to Gerard were his were a very apparent side effect of his heats. He knew that Gerard was a smart man and that he probably knew more about the topic than he did. His door was never opened without it being knocked on first and just that alone made Frank cringe at himself. Gerard thinking that he did those things made him nauseous, he hated the idea of giving his own body pleasure when Gerard didn't even want to touch him. It gave him the same useless feeling that he got from not doing chores or helping the workers in the house. Gerard couldn't have found his body that revolting, he knew that he was at least averagely attractive. The fact that his emotions were off the rails due to his fragile condition didn't help his case either. Every feeling he had was multiplied by one thousand, making his craving for constant affection almost unbearable but at the same time his fear of being annoying to Gerard stopped him from acting on it.

He'd felt quite lightheaded when he woke up, the urge to touch or even better to be touched was so fresh on his mind that his legs felt weak and he didn't trust himself to be around Gerard. He was hot all over and just the slightest bit damp with sweat. He grabbed the glass from his nightstand from the night before when Gerard had tucked him in and left him with a glass full of milk and a kiss on his forehead that'd made his stomach fill with butterflies.

He'd carefully made it into his own personal bathroom, cleaning out the glass before filling it with water to cool himself down. Instead of getting back into bed he willed himself into the shower. He'd learned to take some charge and clean himself recently, deciding that Gerard didn't need the responsibility of cleaning someone who was basically an adult. He'd washed his own hair, getting shampoo in his eyes once and still he didn't call Gerard for help like he usually did.

The shower was long and relaxing, he stayed under the spray of the water just long enough to even out his temperature and wait out his erotic cravings. He washed himself using a gel smelling of honey and camomile as not to overwhelm his senses with anything too harsh smelling. Once he finished he wrapped himself in a white fuzzy towel after using it to collect the water dripping from his skin. The bathroom was humid, fogging up the mirror and leaving all of the smooth surfaces damp. He inhaled the sweet fragrance radiating from his skin and the heated air. He used his hand to wipe away some of the condensation from the mirror so that a part of it was actually usable. He pulled open the squeaky drawer that was obviously just as vintage as the rest of the house with the attractive chipping paint and intricate deign in the wood and brass handle. He grabbed his hair brush, his favorite one, which was a gift from Gerard. It was beautifully painted by the artist himself and for a period he was hesitant to use or even touch the gift until Gerard promised him that he wouldn't ruin the art by using it for its purpose. Frank allowed his towel to fall to the floor before standing in front of the mirror as he brushed his hair to avoid having it get tangled later on. As he combed through the softening strands left him meeting his own hazel eyes. He barely ever stared at himself like he found himself doing in the mirror, or at least not while noticing himself doing it.

He sat the brush down on the counter bringing his other hand up to his face to move a lock of his damp hair behind his ear. He never really had any reason to admire himself in this way, or even think about his physical attributes if it wasn't self-criticism. It wasn't his place to appreciate himself, that was a job others who found the way he looked appealing. At times he felt like a prisoner of his own skin, forced to live in a body with no worth other than to please others but he never felt like that when he was with Gerard. He felt like quite the hypocrite when he thought about it really. How troubling it must be for Gerard to have someone as useless as him that they didn't desire to have in bed. Someone who doesn't know whether they wished to be used and repaired day by day or left to feel like a disgusting leach of someone's life.