Baby Don't Forget, We Haven't Lost It All Yet - Kellic

=THE LAST 48 HOURS=

Mike visited us while in the hospital.

He just stood there by my seat where I was sitting and stayed quite.

I knew that he blamed himself as much as I blame myself for what happened to Kellin. We both were in on the group that done this to him. We both were friends with them, and they had both done this messed up shit to him, and we both knew they hated Kellin.

Mike tried to reassure me that Kellin was going to be okay, that he was going to wake up and everything will be okay again, but I wasn’t so sure about that.

 My thoughts, they kept on getting to me, eating me alive. I couldn’t seem to get the thoughts out of my mind, whenever I tried to steer my mind to something ells, the happy thoughts, it wouldn’t happen. I couldn’t get away from the thoughts, and it killed me.

It killed me to think of all of the things that could happen to Kellin. He might not wake up. He could wake up, and something terribly wrong might happen to him. Something might change, he might have some organ issues and then he would die.

Anything could happen, and I couldn’t bear to think of it all.

But then again, they were all ‘What If’s’ and that’s something that humans spend too much time thinking about, so I told myself I should just move on and just to distract my mind for just a moment, but it wouldn’t happen.

I think Mike picked up on that I was lost in thoughts; thoughts that weren’t the best, because he started talking to me. Random stuff like what happened at school that day, and things like what he was planning to do this weekend, but I couldn’t really keep my attention on that.

I’ve never been good with sharing my feelings. It’s always been the worst aspect about me. I’ve always tried to express my love and care towards even my own family, but I’m just too closed off for anyone to understand.

Nobody knew, but I wasn’t closed of just because, I wasn’t born like that, but I wish I was. It would have been better then to have gone through what I had.

I always hated thinking about what happened. I always thought about how wrong and just how horrible it was, and how I just hate it all, but then I always have this thought in my head that yells at me, and tells me that I’m a terrible and selfish person to think that my life was even that bad to be moping about it, so I liked to forget about it so I won’t be selfish and won’t brag about how horrible it was. Other people had way bigger problems then I have. For some people, it never stopped, and so for me to cry about it, it was ridiculous and disgusting,

And that’s pretty much why I’ve always been mean to Kellin, and even other people. I have the worst way at putting my emotions out, and all it does come out is anger, because I’m closed off.

To put it simple, I liked Kellin at first sight. Cliché, I know, but there was no denying it. I had moved here when I was 15. At the time, I was just accepting that I was gay, and I was finally telling everybody that I liked guys, so it was a surprise to me when on the first day of school I was walking through the halls, saw a boy with dark black hair that went a little past his shoulders and big blue eyes that held such innocence, and instantly thought he was beautiful. From there, I never had the chance to talk to him.

It was the next day that Jaime, Rian, and everybody ells in the group came up to me and Mike and asked us to join them at their lunch table, and ever since then, I was labeled as a guy to look out for and not to screw with in the school, and known for the group who bullies people.

Me, I never done the hitting and everything. I hated even the single thought of causing somebody who doesn’t deserve it, so I always stuck to name calling and yelling at various people. For me, that was easy. I was always closed off, and I had always used anger and frustration as an emotion to block everybody away, and so I never had to think twice about the snarky comments and mean names, but that also made me think; was this the real me? Was I really that mean of a parson that everything came naturally to me?

I never thought about it too much.

And it all pretty much started from there. Me yelling at Jaime to stop beating up Kellin because I hated it when they done that, comforting Kellin because there was still that part of me what had that crush, and blocking off my emotions with hurtful words because I couldn’t afford anybody to get close enough to me.

And it was still a struggle to be nice to Kellin when all I wanted to do was shut everybody out and stay away from my problems, but Kellin was somebody different, and I saw such innocence and demons in his eyes at the same time that it was hard not to stay with him and to make him see the good in everything.

I told myself that I was going to try and keep my walls down and show caring towards Kellin when he was around, but it was going to be hard, I knew that, but I needed to do it, for his sake.

A slight movement from the hospital bed where Kellin laid drawn my attention. My head snapped up and watched as Kellin turned around in his sleep. He let out a little sigh as he settled back into the pillows. I smiled. We all kind of knew that Kellin wasn’t in a coma when he had his little attack earlier, but seeing Kellin moving and calm, even when in sleep; it brought my heart to rest knowing that he was going to be okay.

Mike had left a little while ago, heading back home, leaving me alone with Kellin but I was fine with that. In fact, I was happy that I was able to watch Kellin as he slept and not totally look like some pervert.

I later fell asleep, only to be awaken by a voice I was glad to here again.

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So, that was a short chapter, and not really that much action in it, but I decided that I wanted to wait and put out this chapter with some insight on what's going through Vic's mind and wait until the next chapter when shit goes down . . . 

So pretty much shit is going to go down next chapter! ;)

And guys . . . I REACHED 1 THOUSAND READS!!!!! WTF????!?!!!! 

Yaaa, but I just saw that today and nearly screamed . . . so THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! 

And happy new year! I have a shit load of stories I want to post this year, ships including Kellic, Jalex, and Ferard, so ya, i'm exited! 

~Ashley