Baby Don't Forget, We Haven't Lost It All Yet - Kellic

=SEVEN=

I couldn’t feel anything.

My emotions, they were locked away, I couldn’t access them, they were out of my reach, and was it for the best? I wasn’t sure, but I did know it was making me furious that I couldn’t figure out if I was fine with what happened. But of course I wasn’t fine with what happened. How could anyone. But what I begged for was to feel those emotions. The emotions that drove me to cutting and dark thoughts, and I don’t care how sadistic that sounds. It’s me, I’m sadistic. It never goes away.

Furious and anger was an emotion, right? I knew it was, but I wasn’t the type that I wanted to feel. I wanted to at least feel some type or remorse and anger at myself from what I’ve done, but all I was left with was a blank wall. I was stuck in depression, and I didn’t even know why.

I didn’t know where I was at either.

It was some time in the earlier morning, I was sure of that with the slowly rising sun, but I couldn’t figure out where I had stumbled to in still a slightly dazed and distraught emotion earlier when I woke up.

In his bed. Mike’s. I woke up in Mike’s bed.

I couldn’t believe that I had done it with Vic’s brother. I was trying to look for Vic, but instead, I ended up with Mike. Sure, if I had ended up with Vic, that still wouldn’t have made it right, but, God dammit, I couldn’t straighten out my thoughts at all, and I was close to a break down.

The dirt below me was starting to get uncomfortable, and my position with me hugging my knees to my chest with my face berried in them was starting to get uncomfortable too, but I didn’t dare move.

I hadn’t cried, but I could feel the tears. I hadn’t screamed, though I could feel the screams of agony wanting to be release. I hadn’t wanted to start into the motion of killing myself, but I knew my body, for some reason, was only stalling me from doing it, but I knew it was going to happen soon. When my body and brain finally caught up on what I had done and I was able to move, I was going to do it, and I was going to succeed.

How much time passed? I think it was a couple more hours before I heard the first human noise since the Fuentues house.

It started out a mumbling, not I mainly probably couldn’t hear the voices right because of the mental state I was in. I didn’t care if they saw me like this, whoever they were. I didn’t care if they saw me and just left; in fact, that’s what I wanted them to do, but they didn’t.

Apparently these people were nice and civil, and thought that leaving a guy crying in the corner of an abandoned ally way in the early morning wasn’t quite right, and decided that they just had to talk to me.

All I wanted to be was alone, and I wasn’t getting that anytime soon.

 “Hey, man, are you alright?” This person must have been a guy. They were coming nearer. I didn’t answer.

“Are you okay? You don’t really seem like it.” The guy’s voice came again. I ignored it once again. I heard him kneeling in front of me, along with another body witch I hadn’t picked up on before. I didn’t move a muscle. Maybe they would think that I had died. I want to be dead.

“My names Gereard, and this is my boyfriend Frank. Who are you?” How could I have been that stupid? Why the hell would I even think about being with Vic? It’s an idiotic thought, and idiotic thoughts come with big consequences. Like ending up with Mike and running the only chance I had at making friends.

I was forever going to be alone.

I deserved it.

I started crying.