The Mistress

Chapter 19. Outlying

19.

1493 Rome Italy

It is bad to lay in bed day after day but that's what I have been doing. Leonardo has kept knocking on my door but I always tell him to go away. He worries about me but he doesn't have what I want. He has not solved this ridiculous and stupid riddle and neither have I so, I don't care what anyone has to say. I went out to have breakfast with the Holy Father and Giulia but Juan ruined it. He was loud and annoying as usual. I detest Juan very much and he does not fail to ruin everything, even something as simple as a meal. I have had my food brought to my room so I don't have to see Juan. Cesare would protect me but he isn't here so I don't feel safe without him here. Gioffre has knocked many times to play chess, I never played with him though. It's hard to do things and socialize when the people you love most are gone.
I opened the windows in my room so at least I get some fresh air in here but I do not want to leave this room until I know I will be safe. As long as Juan is out there I won't be.
I heard Gioffre outside playing with some other kids, they must be the children of the other Cardinals. It isn't uncommon to see them here, there are too many to remember their names so I tend to stay away from them. There are many people that are in the Vatican and it's hard to keep track of everyone so I no longer try.
I listen to the children play outside as I lay in bed. They were screaming so loud that I could not tell if they were having fun or being brutally murdered, so I assumed they were having fun. I heard everything that went on in the court yard as if it was my own little theatre where I could watch every thing happen. Not that I cared about what happens out there, I have no choice but to hear it. If I keep the window closed all the time it gets stuffy in here and its hard to breath.

I heard foot steps come up to my door, they stopped and then the handle started to move. The door is locked so no one should be able to get in here. For a moment I thought it was Juan but he is as loud as a bull so it can't be him. I watched the nob turn and I sit up in my bed. The door swings open and it is Cesare on the other side. I let out a sigh of relief because I didn't want it to be anyone else. "My love you look like you have not moved since I left." Cesare sits at my bed side right after he kissed my forehead. "Are you sick?" He leans in closer to me to inspect my face, putting his hand on my forehead. "You don't have the sweats"
"No, I am fine. But what of Lucrezia?" I nudge his hand away. "Is she back in Pesaro? But what if Giovanni hurts her again? How could you just let her go back there?" My questions came out fast but quiet as I was still waking up.
"Yes she is back in Pesaro." He drops his head down in sorrow. "But Micheletto is with her and he has promised to protect her." My heart sank into my stomach. I was counting on Micheletto coming home to protect me from Juan. I know Lucrezia needs protection too but I still worry. Cesare can't be around me all the time and I can't lock myself in my room for the rest of my life. My father thought he was helping me but the reality is that he wasn't. I think I am in more danger here than with my father.

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Very short, I know. But I do consider these journal entries and sometimes they are long and others are short. But I will be putting up the next chapter with this.

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