Tudor Rose

iii. the most happy

May 20, 1511

As the days dragged on, Henry and I grew closer, and the closer we got, the more envious Elizabeth became. Chloe stood by and supported me in whatever I was doing, which I appreciated. Truthfully, I wasn't sure what I was doing.

Was I falling for the king?

No. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

So, the day that I would end the courtship arrived, admittedly sooner than I expected. I told Henry to meet me in the gardens, and I anxiously awaited him. I felt horrible and selfish. I was going to break his heart to preserve mine and my freedom.

As I walked to our meeting spot, I noticed how bright everything was. Hope and happiness radiated off of the blooming flowers. The sun poked out from behind the clouds, and a light breeze blew a few loose strands of my hair around. I saw Henry walking towards me, smiling and happy. It hurt me to see him so elated, because I knew I was the source of that happiness.

And I was about to take it away.

"Anna!" he greeted, practically running over to meet me. "Is this important?"

I smiled hesitantly. "Um, yes. I... I would like your permission to return home."

"Oh, of course," he said, happily obliging, "When will you return? A few weeks, maybe?"

I shifted uncomfortably. "Perhaps as a lady to your eventual queen? Or... or I could visit you once or twice a year. During the holidays, perhaps? Yes, that sounds nice. We can play cards and remain good friends!" I said hopefully, the words tumbling out thoughtlessly.

Henry's demeanor changed completely. He became cold and demanding. "No. No, if that is the case, then you're staying. Your sister, however, I will send home."

"What? No, you don't understand," I replied, "I can't be the queen you want me to be."

"Anna, you're already the queen I want!"

"You only knew about me because of my cousin, so do not pretend that you would've picked me otherwise."

"It doesn't matter how I found you, Anna. All that matters is that I did."

I averted my eyes from his desperate gaze. I would not be pitied into staying somewhere that I was unhappy.

But was I really unhappy, or was I being stubborn and not accepting that Henry wasn't the horrible monster I made him out to be? He wasn't forcing me to marry him. He was getting to know me. He was listening to me, and he really cared about what I had to say. He really cared about me.

He was right. He always was. It didn't matter how I ended up here, it only mattered that I did.

"You know what? You're right. I should stay-" I decided.

"No," he interrupted, "If you want to go, I'll let you. As long as you're happy, I'm happy."

I looked directly into his enchanting blue eyes. Something about them pulled me nearer, telling me that it would be alright. 

"Henry, I will stay. I mean it."

"Are you happy here?" he asked. I could tell he was being completely sincere, and so was I.

"You have treated me so well," I said, smiling, "I am the most happy."

__

May 22, 1511

Elizabeth left without so much as a goodbye. When she found out I was staying at court to pursue a relationship with Henry, she decided she was better off at home.

After seeing her off, I returned to my private chambers. A maid approached me with a letter soon after, and I took it, curious as to who wrote to me. I assumed it was my mother, but I was shocked when I realized it was from my oldest sister, Beatrice.

Beatrice was six years older than me, and we were never close, not even as children. When she moved in with her husband, I barely noticed. I knew she was gone, but she barely seemed there in the first place. And I obviously cared about her, and even Elizabeth, but we never seemed like real sisters. 

"Anna,

Mother and Father wrote to me and said that you're at the palace, with the king! Is it true that you might become the queen? I can't believe my little sister might be the queen of England. What's it like there? It's been too long since I've seen you and Elizabeth. What has she been up to? Has she married yet? She has so much potential. She could marry well, though it seems like you are setting yourself up for the marriage of a lifetime. I know Father will be ecstatic if you became royalty! We would all become royalty!

I wish you the best.

Your sister,

Beatrice"

I read the brief letter multiple times, confirming what my eyes were seeing. Clearly, in Beatrice's mind, I was already queen, which was something I truly wasn't interested in.

When I was a child, I would have been elated at the chance to become queen. Any young, noble girl would. But as I grew up, I became more aware of the pressure placed on a queen. If I was unable to produce an heir, I could be easily discarded. And even if I was able to produce heirs, the king would be bound to get tired of me at some point, so he'd inevitably take mistresses. It seemed lonely.

But when I was with Henry, I forgot about my fears and reservations. I forgot about the strings attached to him. It was like we were just a boy and a girl, falling in love. Deep down, I knew we could never be that, though. Henry would be the king no matter what. I would be his queen.

I tossed the letter aside, confused and holding back tears. What was I supposed to do? I was alone in a palace full of strangers who were already beginning to form opinions about me. My sister had left, and Chloe rarely had time to spare, though I wasn't sure what she was doing.

I decided I should write a letter back to Beatrice. I carefully chose my words, formulating things I knew she and my father wanted to hear, because it was inevitable that my words would reach him.

"My dear sister,

I am so glad that you have written to me. Your letter and it's kind words brightened my day. Life at court is exhilarating. I have spent a lot of time with His Majesty, and we get along quite well. Elizabeth is returning home from court, so perhaps you could visit everyone? I know Mother misses you a lot. Regarding Elizabeth's marital status, she is still unmarried. I'm sure she will find someone agreeable and advantageous to marry. She'll charm someone, I'm sure. I can't wait to see you, whenever that may be. I hope you are well.

Love,

Anna."

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published july 19, 2020